Sunday, January 30, 2011
It's Live: Giving Birth With Confidence Birth Blog Carnival
Giving Birth with ConfidencePer my earlier post, I am excited to be participating in Lamaze's Giving Birth with Confidence Blog Carnival, where several bloggers are featured with parts of their birth stories illustration Lamaze's 6 Healthy Birth Practices.
There is even a picture of us with Little Sir shortly after his birth featured in the article!
So, what are you waiting for? Head on over to the Blog Carnival and read stories and be encouraged by the healthy births portrayed there.
And then don't forget to check out Lamaze's awesome video on 50 Years of Childbirth Education.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Foiled again by network marketing
Lately I've found a couple of companies and products that I fell in love with, only to realize that they are only sold via network marketing. DENIED!
The first is Young Living, who make essential oils and household products made from essential oils. I already use Thieves Oil floor cleaner and I LOVE it. I received it as gift and since I am running out, I tried Googling to find where I could buy more. It turns out that stuff is expensive! But, the bottle I have has lasted me almost 2 years at this point and I wash my floors about every 7-10 days. In addition, the members of the HealthSource online group hosted by our CSA are always suggesting holistic solutions to various ailments using essential oils from Young Living. Supposedly one of their essential oil mixes instantly calms fussy children when applied to their feet - SIGN ME UP! Except, no, don't sign me up for network marketing...
The other company is CAbi clothing. I fell in love with this brand after seeing a vlog from Charmed Valerie modeling some of their pieces, which would be PERFECT for after I have the baby and need new clothes but might not ever be returning to the form-fitting things I wore before having 2 babies. Then, when I visited the web site, the only way to purchase from them is to schedule a home show...
What is it that I have against network marketing? Nothing, really - I think it's more that I fear it.
I actually fell in love with Arbonne products a few years ago and signed up to be a distributor for the discount. The thing is, I am not a salesperson. No matter how much I love something, I cannot bring myself to try and convince someone else to feel the same way. I just believe that people will and should make up their own minds about things, and I get a huge cognitive dissonance when I try to push my own opinions onto someone else. Therefore, when it came to Arbonne, the only person I was selling to was myself! I cannot tell you how many hundreds of dollars I spent. They have great products! But we don't have that kind of money!
When it comes to hosting or attending network marketing shows, I always feel obligated to buy things that are not in our budget, or that we did not plan for, just to help a friend out. And then there are the package discounts they offer you that get you to buy more and more... it's a slippery slope.
So, I'm kind of bummed about the whole thing. I am sure I can find some other post-pregnancy clothing by going to various stores over the course of a few months. And I actually did find some Thieves cleaner on Amazon, I just feel bad that I'm bypassing some needy network marketer...and you know how I feel about Amazon.
What is it that I have against network marketing? Nothing, really - I think it's more that I fear it.
I actually fell in love with Arbonne products a few years ago and signed up to be a distributor for the discount. The thing is, I am not a salesperson. No matter how much I love something, I cannot bring myself to try and convince someone else to feel the same way. I just believe that people will and should make up their own minds about things, and I get a huge cognitive dissonance when I try to push my own opinions onto someone else. Therefore, when it came to Arbonne, the only person I was selling to was myself! I cannot tell you how many hundreds of dollars I spent. They have great products! But we don't have that kind of money!
When it comes to hosting or attending network marketing shows, I always feel obligated to buy things that are not in our budget, or that we did not plan for, just to help a friend out. And then there are the package discounts they offer you that get you to buy more and more... it's a slippery slope.
So, I'm kind of bummed about the whole thing. I am sure I can find some other post-pregnancy clothing by going to various stores over the course of a few months. And I actually did find some Thieves cleaner on Amazon, I just feel bad that I'm bypassing some needy network marketer...and you know how I feel about Amazon.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Meal Planning
Recently I was inspired by Jes to post my meal planning routine in case it helps anyone else out there! I think we all have our own methods, but it's always good to get a different perspective.
Recipes
This year I signed up for E-Mealz, a service that assembles meal plans for you - I chose the Vegetarian Any Store plan for 2. Honestly, I really only use about 1-2 recipes from this service per week. It's a nice service, and cheap at $5 per month, but they tend to do WAY too much Mexican food. For the record, vegetarians eat more than just burritos, even in Texas! I rarely see Asian foods featured in their meal plans and we all love Asian food of any kind. Also, they use a lot of processed fake meat like fake bacon and fake ground meat... we really don't like the flavor of those things and they are pricey and full of preservatives and chemicals, so we try to avoid them. I keep debating whether to cancel the service...
Another factor in my meal planning is our membership to a local CSA. Every 2 weeks we receive a huge tub of seasonal, organic fruits and vegetables which need to be used up before they go bad or before we get the next shipment. Very often, when we get things like persimmons, parsnips, and other veggies I have not cooked before, I either get recipes from the CSA message board or I go to Allrecipes.com and do an ingredient search.
Two magazines that are go-to sources for great recipes: Real Simple and Clean Eating.
And finally, my favorite vegetarian cookbook "Vegetarian 5-Ingredient Gourmet"
I also have a recipe database on our MacBook called Yummy Soup where I store favorite recipes.
Planning
I don't have a very sophisticated system for the planning, really. Whenever I have the time - ideally on a Saturday or Sunday, but if we are overscheduled on a weekend, sometimes it is a weeknight - I sit down with the goal of coming up with 2-3 meals that need actual preparation, and 1-2 meals that will be "ready to serve". The "ready to serve" meals are for the 1-2 days a week that I have to go into the office and will come home and only have 15-20 minutes to get dinner on the table before my son melts down. The other meals can be done on days I am working from home and can do food prep during breaks or at lunch. We usually have at least 1-2 nights a week where we have dinner commitments requiring us to eat out, so those nights I won't have to cook either.
First, I typically look at E-Mealz to see how many of their recipes I can use. Usually there are 1 or 2. I put the ingredients I need into my Grocery Gadget app on my iPhone, which is my shopping list. Then I write the name of the recipe and the E-Mealz plan number in the Notes section of my iPhone so I can find it later that week when it comes time to cook (EM = E-Mealz).
To the right is a screenshot of my Menu Note in the iPhone. This way, I can look at the list any day and decide which meal I'm going to use that evening, usually based on how much time I will end up having, and know where the recipe is located.
Next, I take a look at what produce I have from the CSA, and find recipes that I can use for those ingredients in either my cookbooks or Allrecipes.com. I also put the needed items for those recipes into the Grocery Gadget app and the name and location of the recipe in the Notes section.
Finally, if I am still short on meals, I might use a recipe from Real Simple or Clean Eating magazine that I have been saving. Again, I put the needed items for those recipes into the Grocery Gadget app and the name and location of the recipe in the Notes section (CE = Clean Eating).
If I am short on "ready to serve" meals, I look through my coupons to find things I can buy at the store, like Morningstar products. I also write the items down in Grocery Gadget and write down the meal idea in the Notes. That's what I did for "Bertolli Pasta" in the image above. Bertolli makes a heat-only pasta that comes in a bag with shrimp and veggies. I have a bag in the freezer right now, so it's listed as a meal option in my Notes app.
Grocery Shopping
As a mom who works full time outside the home, my grocery shopping trips are often severely limited, I can usually only make it one or two stores in a week. If we aren't over-scheduled for the weekend, I try do my meal planning and shopping on Sundays while Little Sir is napping and Christian can stay home with him. When we have back-to-back plans all weekend and I can't shop, I divide the items I need into stores I can visit over my lunch breaks during the week. One day I will visit a Tom Thumb in Plano during lunch when I am working from the office, and another day I will visit the Whole Foods or Target near our house when I am working from home. I have gotten pretty good at doing the entire week's shopping in 45 minutes, since I only have 60 minutes for lunch. The main challenge is needing refrigeration for some items on the days I do shopping in Plano and have to return to the office.
I do use coupons that I clip from the Sunday Dallas Morning News when I can. However, since we try to use as little processed foods as possible, I don't use a ton of coupons.
~~~~
Well, that is about all for my meal planning process. It's a little problematic sometimes, but overall it seems to work if I make time for it. How does yours differ? Do you have any suggestions to offer?
Recipes
This year I signed up for E-Mealz, a service that assembles meal plans for you - I chose the Vegetarian Any Store plan for 2. Honestly, I really only use about 1-2 recipes from this service per week. It's a nice service, and cheap at $5 per month, but they tend to do WAY too much Mexican food. For the record, vegetarians eat more than just burritos, even in Texas! I rarely see Asian foods featured in their meal plans and we all love Asian food of any kind. Also, they use a lot of processed fake meat like fake bacon and fake ground meat... we really don't like the flavor of those things and they are pricey and full of preservatives and chemicals, so we try to avoid them. I keep debating whether to cancel the service...
Another factor in my meal planning is our membership to a local CSA. Every 2 weeks we receive a huge tub of seasonal, organic fruits and vegetables which need to be used up before they go bad or before we get the next shipment. Very often, when we get things like persimmons, parsnips, and other veggies I have not cooked before, I either get recipes from the CSA message board or I go to Allrecipes.com and do an ingredient search.Two magazines that are go-to sources for great recipes: Real Simple and Clean Eating.
And finally, my favorite vegetarian cookbook "Vegetarian 5-Ingredient Gourmet"
I also have a recipe database on our MacBook called Yummy Soup where I store favorite recipes.
Planning
I don't have a very sophisticated system for the planning, really. Whenever I have the time - ideally on a Saturday or Sunday, but if we are overscheduled on a weekend, sometimes it is a weeknight - I sit down with the goal of coming up with 2-3 meals that need actual preparation, and 1-2 meals that will be "ready to serve". The "ready to serve" meals are for the 1-2 days a week that I have to go into the office and will come home and only have 15-20 minutes to get dinner on the table before my son melts down. The other meals can be done on days I am working from home and can do food prep during breaks or at lunch. We usually have at least 1-2 nights a week where we have dinner commitments requiring us to eat out, so those nights I won't have to cook either.
First, I typically look at E-Mealz to see how many of their recipes I can use. Usually there are 1 or 2. I put the ingredients I need into my Grocery Gadget app on my iPhone, which is my shopping list. Then I write the name of the recipe and the E-Mealz plan number in the Notes section of my iPhone so I can find it later that week when it comes time to cook (EM = E-Mealz).To the right is a screenshot of my Menu Note in the iPhone. This way, I can look at the list any day and decide which meal I'm going to use that evening, usually based on how much time I will end up having, and know where the recipe is located.
Next, I take a look at what produce I have from the CSA, and find recipes that I can use for those ingredients in either my cookbooks or Allrecipes.com. I also put the needed items for those recipes into the Grocery Gadget app and the name and location of the recipe in the Notes section.
Finally, if I am still short on meals, I might use a recipe from Real Simple or Clean Eating magazine that I have been saving. Again, I put the needed items for those recipes into the Grocery Gadget app and the name and location of the recipe in the Notes section (CE = Clean Eating).
If I am short on "ready to serve" meals, I look through my coupons to find things I can buy at the store, like Morningstar products. I also write the items down in Grocery Gadget and write down the meal idea in the Notes. That's what I did for "Bertolli Pasta" in the image above. Bertolli makes a heat-only pasta that comes in a bag with shrimp and veggies. I have a bag in the freezer right now, so it's listed as a meal option in my Notes app.
Grocery Shopping
As a mom who works full time outside the home, my grocery shopping trips are often severely limited, I can usually only make it one or two stores in a week. If we aren't over-scheduled for the weekend, I try do my meal planning and shopping on Sundays while Little Sir is napping and Christian can stay home with him. When we have back-to-back plans all weekend and I can't shop, I divide the items I need into stores I can visit over my lunch breaks during the week. One day I will visit a Tom Thumb in Plano during lunch when I am working from the office, and another day I will visit the Whole Foods or Target near our house when I am working from home. I have gotten pretty good at doing the entire week's shopping in 45 minutes, since I only have 60 minutes for lunch. The main challenge is needing refrigeration for some items on the days I do shopping in Plano and have to return to the office.
I do use coupons that I clip from the Sunday Dallas Morning News when I can. However, since we try to use as little processed foods as possible, I don't use a ton of coupons.
~~~~
Well, that is about all for my meal planning process. It's a little problematic sometimes, but overall it seems to work if I make time for it. How does yours differ? Do you have any suggestions to offer?
Monday, January 24, 2011
Update to Aveda Institute Dallas review: pedicure and waxing
Almost a year ago (March 2010), I nervously visited the Aveda Institute of Dallas for the first time. Since then, I've gone back regularly for all my haircuts and still continue to have a great experience with haircuts. At $15, it's a great deal, and they use natural products.
I think I've seen about 4 different students. Typically, when you book your first appointment they will attempt to continue to book you with the same student until that student graduates. Since I get my hair cut about every 6 weeks, I have only seen the same student 2 times before each one graduates. Sometimes my schedule hasn't meshed with theirs for the next appointment so I end up being moved to a different student regardless. Remember that if you book a haircut with Aveda Institute, you need to allow at least 2 hours for the experience, because they have to involve their instructor in the process. I book my appointments on weekends when Christian can watch Little Sir for me. I've tried going on my lunch break from work during the week, but it just takes too long.
Aveda Institute haircut score: A
I was so happy with my haircut experiences that I have tried a pedicure and a bikini wax at Aveda Institute since then.
I'd never had an Aveda pedicure, but apparently Aveda's pedicure philosophy is to avoid metal products in contact with the cuticle of your nail bed, so the cuticle is not trimmed, only pushed back and treated using their Cuticle Control creme. Their products for foot exfoliation are also very gentle (as are all their products). It was a very relaxing treatment and the student was very professional, but I think my poor feet actually need cuticle trimming and a little bit more strenuous exfoliation sometimes. Also, you do have to use Aveda's nail polish - you cannot bring your own as at some salons. I like to bring my own so that I can make sure I am using phthalate-free nail polish. I am almost positive that Aveda's nail polish does not use phthalates, although I cannot verify that online.
Aveda Institute pedicure score: B+
Most recently, I scheduled a bikini wax at the Aveda Institute. Usually, I make my own body sugar and do my own waxing, but when I am pregnant I have to go to a professional. During my pregnancy with Little Sir, I went to Spa Habitat of Dallas and had a great experience. When I went to the Aveda Institute spa for a bikini wax, I was not impressed. Having had to learn how to wax myself, and having had a professional wax several times, I know a few things about the best way to do it. The student had a lot of trouble, mostly because she waited too long after putting the wax on my skin to apply the strip. You have to apply the strip IMMEDIATELY after the wax and pull off quickly, in the opposite direction of the hair growth. She waited until the wax had almost completely cooled before applying the strip - that is not going to allow the strip to have any adhesive ability, which is needed to remove the hair. She also did not pull off quickly enough, and not in the opposite direction of the hair growth. I wanted to tell her this but I felt awkward about telling her what to do, since she was supposed to be the professional.
Because I was 7 months pregnant at the time, I really couldn't see what she was doing at all. When she finished, she let me get dressed and the supervisor came in and asked me how it was. I said it was OK because I could not really tell - um, I cannot see down there without a mirror. No mirror was provided, and it did not occur to me to ask for one. When I got home, though, I did look. I was annoyed to notice that not only did she leave most of the wax ALL OVER ME, but really none of the hair was gone. I suppose she probably removed some hair, but hardly enough to make a noticeable difference - it did not look like I had been waxed at all. Did she not notice this? Did she realize that waxing should leave skin smooth? That seems really weird to me. I called the institute back but unfortunately, in order for me to have the waxing redone, I would have to see the same student - I couldn't just have someone else fix it. The students' scheduled hours did not match any of my availability, so I was unable to get it fixed.
Overall, I was disappointed in my waxing experience and frustrated that I will have to pay a real professional to do it now, so I will have paid for it twice. However, I have to say that I should have expected the inexperience from a student. Waxing is really probably not something I should have allowed a student to do.
Aveda Institute waxing score: F
I would still recommend Aveda Institute as a great way to get a discount on personal treatments, and I continue to go back for haircuts! I would recommend leaving the waxing up to a professional spa.
I think I've seen about 4 different students. Typically, when you book your first appointment they will attempt to continue to book you with the same student until that student graduates. Since I get my hair cut about every 6 weeks, I have only seen the same student 2 times before each one graduates. Sometimes my schedule hasn't meshed with theirs for the next appointment so I end up being moved to a different student regardless. Remember that if you book a haircut with Aveda Institute, you need to allow at least 2 hours for the experience, because they have to involve their instructor in the process. I book my appointments on weekends when Christian can watch Little Sir for me. I've tried going on my lunch break from work during the week, but it just takes too long.
Aveda Institute haircut score: A
I was so happy with my haircut experiences that I have tried a pedicure and a bikini wax at Aveda Institute since then.
Aveda Institute pedicure score: B+
Because I was 7 months pregnant at the time, I really couldn't see what she was doing at all. When she finished, she let me get dressed and the supervisor came in and asked me how it was. I said it was OK because I could not really tell - um, I cannot see down there without a mirror. No mirror was provided, and it did not occur to me to ask for one. When I got home, though, I did look. I was annoyed to notice that not only did she leave most of the wax ALL OVER ME, but really none of the hair was gone. I suppose she probably removed some hair, but hardly enough to make a noticeable difference - it did not look like I had been waxed at all. Did she not notice this? Did she realize that waxing should leave skin smooth? That seems really weird to me. I called the institute back but unfortunately, in order for me to have the waxing redone, I would have to see the same student - I couldn't just have someone else fix it. The students' scheduled hours did not match any of my availability, so I was unable to get it fixed.
Overall, I was disappointed in my waxing experience and frustrated that I will have to pay a real professional to do it now, so I will have paid for it twice. However, I have to say that I should have expected the inexperience from a student. Waxing is really probably not something I should have allowed a student to do.
Aveda Institute waxing score: F
I would still recommend Aveda Institute as a great way to get a discount on personal treatments, and I continue to go back for haircuts! I would recommend leaving the waxing up to a professional spa.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
IntenseDebate and CommentLuv issues in Internet Explorer 8
I wanted to do a quick technical post for anyone else who might have had the commenting issues I've recently had. I really love the way the CommentLuv plugin works on WordPress blogs, but for a number of reasons I'm not yet ready to move to WordPress. I was excited to find out that signing up for a service called IntenseDebate would "supposedly" allow me to use the CommentLuv plugin on a Blogger blog.
Unfortunately, I use the Firefox browser almost exclusively. Both on a Mac (at home) and a PC (at work). The fact that IntenseDebate and CommentLuv worked just great in Firefox tricked me into thinking that it was working fine everywhere.
In fact, it turns out that comments were not working at all in most Internet Explorer browsers. A big THANK YOU to my readers who emailed me to let me know! The biggest problem is that IntenseDebate does not work in IE8. Since CommentLuv needs IntenseDebate to function on the Blogger platform, I don't know if it is truly IntenseDebate or CommentLuv which does not work in IE8 on Blogger.
For the past 4 weeks, apparently the 30% of my audience who uses Internet Explorer has not been able to comment or see other people's comments!!
That's a big deal for someone (me!) who is attempting to really build blog traffic lately.
I contacted IntenseDebate to inquire about the issues with IE, and their response was disappointingly slow and unhelpful. Although they do have Twitter account, they did not respond to any @'s I sent to them in that manner (and still have not). I had to use their online Contact Us form. Ugh! who is still using those?? They are terrible! Hello, 1999, anyone? They also had a blog, but it hasn't been updated in more than a month and never addressed issues with IE. On some tech forums, I found people who were discussing their product, but if the company participated at all, it was to point people back to their outdated "Contact Us" form!
It took someone from IntenseDebate more than 24 hours to contact me back, and when they did, they blamed it on me not having Javascript enabled in IE. In a Web 2.0 environment, who would have Javascript TURNED OFF? Especially when I was attempting to install and use a Javascript widget. At this point I had tested Internet Explorer from 3 separate machines, as well as having 2 people from other states test in Internet Explorer, and no one could see comments in IE. And yes, everyone has Javascript turned on. Obviously, an issue with IntenseDebate. Ultimately, IntenseDebate claimed they "couldn't reproduce the problem" and that means there IS no problem. Nice.
The main problem with uninstalling IntenseDebate was that the Comment Export feature does not work with Blogger, so as soon as I uninstalled IntenseDebate, I would lose the last 4 weeks of comments from people who weren't using IE.
The solution I came up with to uninstalling IntenseDebate from Blogger and still keep my comment history was to install Disqus instead. Disqus accepts imports of comments from both IntenseDebate AND Blogger, so now all my comments are in one central place.
I have actually never been a fan of Disqus because it loads extremely slowly at lower bandwidths. However, when I twittered that my solution to the issue was to install Disqus even though I am not a fan of Disqus, @Disqus was kind enough to reply back to me immediately! Here's the convo:
So, for now I think the problem is solved. I am feeling much better about Disqus since I disabled some of the more complex features. I am also encouraged that they are so responsive on Twitter.
What do you think? How is the load time for comments on your end?
Unfortunately, I use the Firefox browser almost exclusively. Both on a Mac (at home) and a PC (at work). The fact that IntenseDebate and CommentLuv worked just great in Firefox tricked me into thinking that it was working fine everywhere.
For the past 4 weeks, apparently the 30% of my audience who uses Internet Explorer has not been able to comment or see other people's comments!!
That's a big deal for someone (me!) who is attempting to really build blog traffic lately.
I contacted IntenseDebate to inquire about the issues with IE, and their response was disappointingly slow and unhelpful. Although they do have Twitter account, they did not respond to any @'s I sent to them in that manner (and still have not). I had to use their online Contact Us form. Ugh! who is still using those?? They are terrible! Hello, 1999, anyone? They also had a blog, but it hasn't been updated in more than a month and never addressed issues with IE. On some tech forums, I found people who were discussing their product, but if the company participated at all, it was to point people back to their outdated "Contact Us" form!
It took someone from IntenseDebate more than 24 hours to contact me back, and when they did, they blamed it on me not having Javascript enabled in IE. In a Web 2.0 environment, who would have Javascript TURNED OFF? Especially when I was attempting to install and use a Javascript widget. At this point I had tested Internet Explorer from 3 separate machines, as well as having 2 people from other states test in Internet Explorer, and no one could see comments in IE. And yes, everyone has Javascript turned on. Obviously, an issue with IntenseDebate. Ultimately, IntenseDebate claimed they "couldn't reproduce the problem" and that means there IS no problem. Nice.
The main problem with uninstalling IntenseDebate was that the Comment Export feature does not work with Blogger, so as soon as I uninstalled IntenseDebate, I would lose the last 4 weeks of comments from people who weren't using IE.
The solution I came up with to uninstalling IntenseDebate from Blogger and still keep my comment history was to install Disqus instead. Disqus accepts imports of comments from both IntenseDebate AND Blogger, so now all my comments are in one central place.
I have actually never been a fan of Disqus because it loads extremely slowly at lower bandwidths. However, when I twittered that my solution to the issue was to install Disqus even though I am not a fan of Disqus, @Disqus was kind enough to reply back to me immediately! Here's the convo:
So, for now I think the problem is solved. I am feeling much better about Disqus since I disabled some of the more complex features. I am also encouraged that they are so responsive on Twitter.
What do you think? How is the load time for comments on your end?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Giving Birth with Confidence Blog Carnival
As most of you know, we had a Bradley birth with Little Sir - meaning we took Bradley Childbirth Classes. Bradley is a partner-assisted method of giving birth with the goal of avoiding unnecessary intervention and pain medication using comfort measures and relaxation. Bradley classes are 8 weeks of 2-3 hour classes and also cover prenatal diet and exercise, as well as infant care.
I have to admit that I don't know much about Lamaze, but Danielle from Momotics has promoted it several times and it seems very like Bradley. Our Bradley birth actually exhibits all of Lamaze's 6 Healthy Birth Practices.
The Lamaze organization is currently promoting a Giving Birth with Confidence Blog Carnival, where they are asking for women to submit their stories of natural childbirth. In order to help them in this effort, I am re-posting Little Sir's birth story below, complete with pictures.
If you've read it before, thanks for bearing with me - and don't forget to check out Lamaze's awesome video on 50 Years of Childbirth Education.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Sir's Natural Birth
After reading the book "Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born" by Tina Cassidy several years ago and then later seeing the film The Business of Being Born and other natural birth stories, and reading Ina May Gaskin's book, among others, we were very focused on having a natural medication-free birth in an environment that was as home-like as possible. I admit I was too afraid of making a mess in my own home to be on board with a full-out home birth. We found The Birth and Women's Center here in Dallas to be the best of both worlds - a midwife-run practice in an old historical house, the whole thing looks like home. And since there are few enough patients, by midway through your pregnancy, you know everyone there who might be attending your birth by name and they know you, so we knew we'd never be in the situation where strangers would be going in and out of the room all the time, disrupting labor. I would encourage you to visit their web site at www.birthcenter.net for more information and pictures of the house.
Also, for anyone who might be reading this birth story on the internets and not know me: a little background on the late stages of my pregnancy. At 32 weeks, the midwives discovered that my cervix was already starting to soften and dilate. They did not feel comfortable with this happening so early, so I was put on modified bed rest for 5 weeks. During that time, my cervix did continue to dilate and efface. I was let up off bed rest at 37 weeks, but still went past my due date! At the last prenatal checkup the Friday before his birth, my cervix was already 4 cm dilated, 100% effaced, and he had been at zero station for 3 weeks.
I had been experiencing pre-labor contractions for the previous 3-4 weeks, which was basically accomplishing what the Early Stage of labor would normally accomplish - the dilation and effacement of my cervix - only over weeks rather than a period of hours. We anticipated that this might mean that when I did go into labor, I might go directly into Active Labor, having already completed Early Stage labor.
After all the weeks of Early Labor contractions starting and stopping, and all the concern about going into pre-term labor, my due date came and went with nothing!! And believe me, we tried everything to get that labor going - I have a previous post about all the natural methods of labor induction we tried unsuccessfully. We were scheduled to have an extra sonogram later that week to determine if the baby still had enough amniotic fluid and then have my membranes swept and possibly my bag of waters broken on October 22. Even more frustrating: on my due date, all the contractions I'd been having for the last 3-4 weeks pretty much stopped and for 2 days....nothing.
Then at 2:20 AM on Tuesday, October 20, I woke up to a small gush of fluid. When I went to check, it was not mucus as I usually experienced (I had lost my mucus plug 3-4 weeks ago). This was a clear liquid with no odor and was followed by a little more. I put on some protection and went back to bed. It kept up, so I woke Christian and told him that I wondered if my water broke. Since I was Group B Strep positive, we knew that if it was amniotic fluid, then I would need to go to the birth center to be put on antibiotics very soon. So we reluctantly called Carol, the midwife on call, around 3 AM and told her we suspected my water might have broken. I was a little skeptical that it would all happen this easily after so many false starts. She said to meet her up at the birth center at 4 AM. We packed up all the birth stuff and hoped that we weren't going to be right back home in a few hours with no baby.
I was wearing my Depends and I am very glad I was, because by the time we reached the birth center, which is only about 10-15 minutes from our house, the leakage was significant. The strip test confirmed that it was indeed amniotic fluid, so Carol put me on the antibiotic IV drip for about 30 minutes, leaving the port in so that we could do it again in 4 hours, but I wasn't hooked up to anything. I still had absolutely no contractions so we decided to go get some breakfast and power walk around the park to get them started. We told Carol we'd be back in an hour. It was around 5 AM by then, and as we walked out onto the porch to get food, I immediately had a much more severe contraction than I'd ever had! We decided to go get food anyway, and while we were out I kept having them around 3 minutes apart. When we got back in to the birth center around 6 AM and unpacked our things, I walked around and around the room on the shag carpet barefoot through and between the contractions.
Carol suggested that I just walk through as many contractions as possible to keep them going and Christian walked with me. Most of the time we might slow down and I would lean on him, but we didn't stop much. I really found the shag carpet on my bare feet comforting for some reason. I was rating the strength of these contractions around a 6 or 7 on a scale of 1 to 10. My pre-labor contractions over the past weeks had never been above a 3 or 4. These new contractions were consistently 3 minutes apart from the time they began on the porch, consistent with Active Labor, as we had suspected - after stripping my membranes I had gone right into Active Labor.
When Carol checked me again around 7 AM, I think I was dilated to 7 or 8 cm, and she suggested that I get into the tub. The tub was really great!
I got in there around 7:30 AM, apparently that was when I went through transition, I had such strong contractions that I thought I was going to throw up breakfast, and I told Christian I couldn't do this anymore! This is also the part where I said some curse words when I had two very strong contractions that made me rise up out of the tub. Carol came in and reminded me about all the things we learned in Bradley classes and helped me realize that when I was hit with the harder ones I was tensing up, making them worse. Christian was AWESOME about reminding me to breath and relax the whole time. At 8:30 I had to get out of the tub to get another antibiotic IV and have another check - I was 9.5 cm dilated. Sitting still for the IV was the worst!! At least I could stand up and move around within the range of the cord, and even got up to go to the bathroom with it in. I can't imagine how someone could handle contractions of that strength when tied up to an IV and bound to a hospital bed. I am in awe of anyone who can get through those in a hospital environment!!
I sat on or near the bed for a while after the IV was removed and started to get the urge to push. Carol said this was a good idea so at or after 9 AM, they helped me into a pushing position of squatting while holding onto the bed post.
I was not very good at pushing, I think I got the angle wrong! But the head did start to crown in that position, and they moved me up to the bed. We used the exact position that we learned in our Bradley class on the bed, with Christian holding one of my legs and the birth assistant holding the other. I didn't have the strength or focus to hold my own legs adequately. Carol had a mirror for me to look at the baby's head, but I was so focused on the pushing that I really didn't see much. They asked if I would like to reach down and touch the head as it crowned and I said "NO! I just want it OUT!". I have heard a description of "the ring of fire", but to me the entire time I was pushing before the baby actually came out felt like a ring of fire. I have also heard women say that it feels so good to finally push, but to me it just felt like the worst pain EVER and I was super glad when it was over!
The total pushing time was probably 30-45 minutes and Michael Asher Bradford was born! After the midwives helped with a stuck shoulder for a minute, Christian pulled him out and put him on my chest himself.
I did end up having a little bit of an episiotomy because the lip of my cervix was thicker than anticipated, but I really did not feel it much. It took a minute for us to think to look and see if he was a boy or a girl, since we didn't know throughout the pregnancy!
Christian was the BEST labor coach ever!! He was always encouraging me and reminding me to breathe calmly and relax. Every time I did that, it helped so much. He also recognized when I was in transition and reminded me that it wouldn't be much longer until we met the baby. When I was pushing, he was right behind me, pushing right along with me. It was so helpful to see him concentrating just as hard as I was, and he was always there with a cool washcloth.
After the birth, they did not remove Little Sir from my chest for a hour or more - all the checks and tests were done there on my chest and I was able to breastfeed as soon as Little Sir was able to figure it out, with Christian right there the whole time.
Christian also got to weigh him, and he was 7 lbs 14 oz, 20 inches long.
After I was sewn up, they drew another bath in the tub for me and I got in, and Christian brought Little Sir in and we washed him together. It was so amazing because the tub room was full of sunlight at around 11 AM in the morning and we were both there with our new baby and I wasn't in pain or giantly huge anymore!
I really cannot say enough good things about all the ladies at the Birth & Women's Center, they were all so amazing. Carol is the most patient person ever after all my false starts! They sure had the timing down perfectly, getting everything ready for each different stage and taking such wonderful care of us afterward. We stayed in the big bed after our bath until 4 PM, Debbie warmed the food we brought and brought it to us in bed, and Christian and Little Sir were able to nap for about an hour. I was so excited from the birth experience that I couldn't fall asleep, but I was glad to lay there resting.
We left the birth center around 4:30 or 5 PM on Tuesday and went home, Debbie helped us out to the car and took this picture of us heading home!
We both really felt like this was an amazing and beautiful experience. I'm not going to tell you it didn't hurt, and I'm still thinking to myself that adopting future children sounds like a more and more attractive idea, just to avoid going through that pain again!! But, I wouldn't have wanted to do it any other way, and we feel blessed to have had the ability to meet our son in such a peaceful environment.
I have to admit that I don't know much about Lamaze, but Danielle from Momotics has promoted it several times and it seems very like Bradley. Our Bradley birth actually exhibits all of Lamaze's 6 Healthy Birth Practices.
The Lamaze organization is currently promoting a Giving Birth with Confidence Blog Carnival, where they are asking for women to submit their stories of natural childbirth. In order to help them in this effort, I am re-posting Little Sir's birth story below, complete with pictures.
If you've read it before, thanks for bearing with me - and don't forget to check out Lamaze's awesome video on 50 Years of Childbirth Education.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Sir's Natural Birth
After reading the book "Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born" by Tina Cassidy several years ago and then later seeing the film The Business of Being Born and other natural birth stories, and reading Ina May Gaskin's book, among others, we were very focused on having a natural medication-free birth in an environment that was as home-like as possible. I admit I was too afraid of making a mess in my own home to be on board with a full-out home birth. We found The Birth and Women's Center here in Dallas to be the best of both worlds - a midwife-run practice in an old historical house, the whole thing looks like home. And since there are few enough patients, by midway through your pregnancy, you know everyone there who might be attending your birth by name and they know you, so we knew we'd never be in the situation where strangers would be going in and out of the room all the time, disrupting labor. I would encourage you to visit their web site at www.birthcenter.net for more information and pictures of the house.
Also, for anyone who might be reading this birth story on the internets and not know me: a little background on the late stages of my pregnancy. At 32 weeks, the midwives discovered that my cervix was already starting to soften and dilate. They did not feel comfortable with this happening so early, so I was put on modified bed rest for 5 weeks. During that time, my cervix did continue to dilate and efface. I was let up off bed rest at 37 weeks, but still went past my due date! At the last prenatal checkup the Friday before his birth, my cervix was already 4 cm dilated, 100% effaced, and he had been at zero station for 3 weeks.
I had been experiencing pre-labor contractions for the previous 3-4 weeks, which was basically accomplishing what the Early Stage of labor would normally accomplish - the dilation and effacement of my cervix - only over weeks rather than a period of hours. We anticipated that this might mean that when I did go into labor, I might go directly into Active Labor, having already completed Early Stage labor.
After all the weeks of Early Labor contractions starting and stopping, and all the concern about going into pre-term labor, my due date came and went with nothing!! And believe me, we tried everything to get that labor going - I have a previous post about all the natural methods of labor induction we tried unsuccessfully. We were scheduled to have an extra sonogram later that week to determine if the baby still had enough amniotic fluid and then have my membranes swept and possibly my bag of waters broken on October 22. Even more frustrating: on my due date, all the contractions I'd been having for the last 3-4 weeks pretty much stopped and for 2 days....nothing.
Then at 2:20 AM on Tuesday, October 20, I woke up to a small gush of fluid. When I went to check, it was not mucus as I usually experienced (I had lost my mucus plug 3-4 weeks ago). This was a clear liquid with no odor and was followed by a little more. I put on some protection and went back to bed. It kept up, so I woke Christian and told him that I wondered if my water broke. Since I was Group B Strep positive, we knew that if it was amniotic fluid, then I would need to go to the birth center to be put on antibiotics very soon. So we reluctantly called Carol, the midwife on call, around 3 AM and told her we suspected my water might have broken. I was a little skeptical that it would all happen this easily after so many false starts. She said to meet her up at the birth center at 4 AM. We packed up all the birth stuff and hoped that we weren't going to be right back home in a few hours with no baby.
I was wearing my Depends and I am very glad I was, because by the time we reached the birth center, which is only about 10-15 minutes from our house, the leakage was significant. The strip test confirmed that it was indeed amniotic fluid, so Carol put me on the antibiotic IV drip for about 30 minutes, leaving the port in so that we could do it again in 4 hours, but I wasn't hooked up to anything. I still had absolutely no contractions so we decided to go get some breakfast and power walk around the park to get them started. We told Carol we'd be back in an hour. It was around 5 AM by then, and as we walked out onto the porch to get food, I immediately had a much more severe contraction than I'd ever had! We decided to go get food anyway, and while we were out I kept having them around 3 minutes apart. When we got back in to the birth center around 6 AM and unpacked our things, I walked around and around the room on the shag carpet barefoot through and between the contractions.
Carol suggested that I just walk through as many contractions as possible to keep them going and Christian walked with me. Most of the time we might slow down and I would lean on him, but we didn't stop much. I really found the shag carpet on my bare feet comforting for some reason. I was rating the strength of these contractions around a 6 or 7 on a scale of 1 to 10. My pre-labor contractions over the past weeks had never been above a 3 or 4. These new contractions were consistently 3 minutes apart from the time they began on the porch, consistent with Active Labor, as we had suspected - after stripping my membranes I had gone right into Active Labor.When Carol checked me again around 7 AM, I think I was dilated to 7 or 8 cm, and she suggested that I get into the tub. The tub was really great!
I got in there around 7:30 AM, apparently that was when I went through transition, I had such strong contractions that I thought I was going to throw up breakfast, and I told Christian I couldn't do this anymore! This is also the part where I said some curse words when I had two very strong contractions that made me rise up out of the tub. Carol came in and reminded me about all the things we learned in Bradley classes and helped me realize that when I was hit with the harder ones I was tensing up, making them worse. Christian was AWESOME about reminding me to breath and relax the whole time. At 8:30 I had to get out of the tub to get another antibiotic IV and have another check - I was 9.5 cm dilated. Sitting still for the IV was the worst!! At least I could stand up and move around within the range of the cord, and even got up to go to the bathroom with it in. I can't imagine how someone could handle contractions of that strength when tied up to an IV and bound to a hospital bed. I am in awe of anyone who can get through those in a hospital environment!!I sat on or near the bed for a while after the IV was removed and started to get the urge to push. Carol said this was a good idea so at or after 9 AM, they helped me into a pushing position of squatting while holding onto the bed post.
I was not very good at pushing, I think I got the angle wrong! But the head did start to crown in that position, and they moved me up to the bed. We used the exact position that we learned in our Bradley class on the bed, with Christian holding one of my legs and the birth assistant holding the other. I didn't have the strength or focus to hold my own legs adequately. Carol had a mirror for me to look at the baby's head, but I was so focused on the pushing that I really didn't see much. They asked if I would like to reach down and touch the head as it crowned and I said "NO! I just want it OUT!". I have heard a description of "the ring of fire", but to me the entire time I was pushing before the baby actually came out felt like a ring of fire. I have also heard women say that it feels so good to finally push, but to me it just felt like the worst pain EVER and I was super glad when it was over!The total pushing time was probably 30-45 minutes and Michael Asher Bradford was born! After the midwives helped with a stuck shoulder for a minute, Christian pulled him out and put him on my chest himself.
I did end up having a little bit of an episiotomy because the lip of my cervix was thicker than anticipated, but I really did not feel it much. It took a minute for us to think to look and see if he was a boy or a girl, since we didn't know throughout the pregnancy!Christian was the BEST labor coach ever!! He was always encouraging me and reminding me to breathe calmly and relax. Every time I did that, it helped so much. He also recognized when I was in transition and reminded me that it wouldn't be much longer until we met the baby. When I was pushing, he was right behind me, pushing right along with me. It was so helpful to see him concentrating just as hard as I was, and he was always there with a cool washcloth.
After the birth, they did not remove Little Sir from my chest for a hour or more - all the checks and tests were done there on my chest and I was able to breastfeed as soon as Little Sir was able to figure it out, with Christian right there the whole time.
Christian also got to weigh him, and he was 7 lbs 14 oz, 20 inches long.
After I was sewn up, they drew another bath in the tub for me and I got in, and Christian brought Little Sir in and we washed him together. It was so amazing because the tub room was full of sunlight at around 11 AM in the morning and we were both there with our new baby and I wasn't in pain or giantly huge anymore!
I really cannot say enough good things about all the ladies at the Birth & Women's Center, they were all so amazing. Carol is the most patient person ever after all my false starts! They sure had the timing down perfectly, getting everything ready for each different stage and taking such wonderful care of us afterward. We stayed in the big bed after our bath until 4 PM, Debbie warmed the food we brought and brought it to us in bed, and Christian and Little Sir were able to nap for about an hour. I was so excited from the birth experience that I couldn't fall asleep, but I was glad to lay there resting.We left the birth center around 4:30 or 5 PM on Tuesday and went home, Debbie helped us out to the car and took this picture of us heading home!
We both really felt like this was an amazing and beautiful experience. I'm not going to tell you it didn't hurt, and I'm still thinking to myself that adopting future children sounds like a more and more attractive idea, just to avoid going through that pain again!! But, I wouldn't have wanted to do it any other way, and we feel blessed to have had the ability to meet our son in such a peaceful environment.
Monday, January 17, 2011
My favorite iPhone apps
I see people who have just gotten an iPhone asking about the best apps to download on Facebook all the time. So, I thought that I'd make a list of my favorite iPhone apps. I am finding new ones every day!
- Shazaam - you can hold your phone up whenever you hear music and it will tell you the song and artist, and you can buy it on iTunes
- Pandora - I've found lots of great new music using this app which builds radio stations based on your suggestions
- Grocery Gadget - probably my most-used paid app. It organizes your grocery items by category and allows you to build lists and different stores. The feature I loved most was that you can put it on more than one iPhone and the lists are automatically synced. This means that my husband can see the most recent needed items if he is at the store. The feature does, however, require the other person to UPDATE THEIR APP, which hasn't really happened for us...
- Flashlight - I have a free flashlight app that I use every morning when I get up to shower while everyone else is still in bed! It's just a plain white screen that doesn't shut off. Brilliant!
- Facebook, Words with Friends, HootSuite for Twitter - duh! I think everyone involved in social media probably has these...
- BlogPress - I recently bought this app which allows me to compose full blog posts on the iPhone, edit/revise existing posts, and even save drafts for posting later. It also links up to my Flickr stream so I can insert photos. So far I love it!
- Baby-related apps: Baby Brain, which tracks pee/poo, breast/bottle, and sleeping. We LOVED this app when Little Sir was an infant, and our nanny still uses it to send us a log of what he's been doing all day. Baby Time Contractions - an app that helps track contractions in labor process. We loved that it can send them in an email to our midwife, who can take a look at the spacing and severity. I can't find a link to it anymore, it's possible the developer isn't supporting it anymore.
Friday, January 14, 2011
7 Quick Takes Friday #12
--- 1 ---
Did you know that it is National De-Lurking Day again? I feel like the last one was just yesterday! This means that if you follow a blog (um, like mine?) and read it all the time but NEVER COMMENT, today is the day to comment, even if just to say "hey, I'm here... lurking". So, what are you waiting for? Leave me a comment!
--- 2 ---
One of them enjoys waiting until my (anti-sleeping) son is asleep and then sitting outside his door and crying for no reason (or for food, I don't know). When her crying at 2AM does not wake him up, it wakes ME up, when otherwise I should have been able to sleep through the night.
The other one sneaks into his room and camps out under his crib where I can't reach her, and keeps him awake. She did this to him last night and he was up until 10PM. This morning he was a holy terror due to his late night.
Another great trick they have developed is purposefully tripping me. Which is particularly awesome since I am huge and pregnant and cannot move fast enough to get out of their way.
I would love to see them go to a good home. One is 7 years old and considered a "senior" cat - she is decidedly obese. The other is only 5 and is in much better shape. But, I don't think Christian is ready to get rid of either of them.
--- 3---
I am writing this on Friday morning instead of the night before, like a good blogger would.
--- 4 ---
When I asked Twitter for suggestions on how to optimize my blog, Texan Mama suggested that I participate in 31 Days to Build a Better Blog. I signed up earlier this week and I've been trying to keep up. I am doing only "ok". One of the assignments was to create a "list post" - a blog post containing a list. I am drawing a complete blank for that one. I was thinking maybe "My favorite iPhone apps", but isn't that overdone? While you are de-lurking yourself, how about leaving a comment with a suggestion for a list I could make?
--- 5 ---
Does anyone know where I can find organic cotton tube socks - either locally or online? I am having the worst time finding them anywhere. We will use tube socks full of rice as warmers for our newborn, like we did with Little Sir. They also work great for mama's aches and pains. You just pop the socks filled with rice into the microwave and they stay warm for quite a while, long enough for the little one to fall asleep. And they have a dual function as positioners to keep the baby from rolling over.
I only have 2 socks left over from Little Sir and I need 2 more. I don't want to buy socks from Target which are made of cotton coated with chemicals that are going to be released when the socks are heated, because these things will be right next to my newborn baby! We just cannot find any organic 100% cotton tube socks. They have to be tall in order to tie a knot in the top part and still have most of the sock available for rice. All the organic socks I can find are too short, not truly "tube" socks. Seen any lately?
--- 6 ---
The food situation over here is getting increasingly sketchy. I feel pretty good that I made an actual meal 3 times this week so far. The other days have been largely pre-prepared vegetarian meals like frozen falafel, heat-up Indian food packets, and Morningstar "riblets" with baked organic frozen fries. I am running out of energy fast over here.
--- 7 ---
The redesign of this blog is underway! My husband is doing a great job serving as a kind of graphic designer. We were going to hire a friend, but Christian decided to take a look at it himself, and I really think what he's come up with looks great! Right now the design hasn't been converted to CSS yet, so it's still a little way off, but I am so glad we have a direction - very exciting!
~~~
Well that's all for this week, be sure to visit Conversion Diary for links to more 7 Quick Takes Fridays.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Crane frog humidifier noise: cute, until it stopped working
Some time at the beginning of 2010, Little Sir got a little cold and we needed a cool mist humidifier. We had bought a Vicks humidifier at Target during my pregnancy, but that thing was so loud that Christian had to sleep in another room. Then it developed a weird smell, and I just gave it away on Freecycle.
Since I was spending a lot of time at Buy Buy Baby, we decided to get a Crane cool mist humidifier, the Frog model. It is so cute, and it worked SO GREAT! It was completely silent, put out a lot of mist, and as Little Sir has gotten older he has enjoyed playing with it. I still think it is the cutest thing ever, and easy to fill and clean.
Unfortunately, about 2 months ago it started making a very loud noise when it first started running. It would go away after a while, but it lasted longer and longer. Eventually, it did not go away at all. The noise kept Little Sir from falling asleep at night (like we need any more trouble with that... my non-sleeping child...).
Since we are expecting Baby #2 and will need a second humidifier anyway, I went ahead and bought a Crane Duck humidifier and put that in his room instead. It works so much better - just like the Frog did at first!
I contacted Crane, who only has a long-distance phone number for Customer Service, and had to leave a message on a machine because no one answers their Customer Service line. I also sent an email. 24 hours later, they both emailed and called back. I missed the phone call because I was in a meeting, but the email stated that I could only get a replacement if I had BOTH the original purchase receipt AND the proof of purchase from the humidifier box. Of course, the humidifier was purchased something like 7 months ago and worked fine for the first 5-6 months, so I had not kept either items.
My options now are to send back parts of the the humidifier along with $25 and they will send me a new one.
Or, I can apply for a $10 credit toward a new humidifier which can only be purchased from their web site (not Buy Buy Baby) for $46. At Buy Buy Baby I can buy a new humidifier for $35, so their web site is not a good deal.
I guess I will go with the option of paying to return parts of the humidifier to them for $25.
Today I did some searches on the Crane Frog humidifier noise issue, and it seems I am not alone. Several people have reported issues with the Frog. However, Crane humidifiers overall get very good reviews, even from Consumer Reports. My conclusion is that the Frog model is most likely the issue.
The Duck is working great!
So, in case anyone is Googling Crane humidifier noise problems, I hope this can help: I recommend the Duck model, but not the Frog!
Unfortunately, about 2 months ago it started making a very loud noise when it first started running. It would go away after a while, but it lasted longer and longer. Eventually, it did not go away at all. The noise kept Little Sir from falling asleep at night (like we need any more trouble with that... my non-sleeping child...).
I contacted Crane, who only has a long-distance phone number for Customer Service, and had to leave a message on a machine because no one answers their Customer Service line. I also sent an email. 24 hours later, they both emailed and called back. I missed the phone call because I was in a meeting, but the email stated that I could only get a replacement if I had BOTH the original purchase receipt AND the proof of purchase from the humidifier box. Of course, the humidifier was purchased something like 7 months ago and worked fine for the first 5-6 months, so I had not kept either items.
My options now are to send back parts of the the humidifier along with $25 and they will send me a new one.
Or, I can apply for a $10 credit toward a new humidifier which can only be purchased from their web site (not Buy Buy Baby) for $46. At Buy Buy Baby I can buy a new humidifier for $35, so their web site is not a good deal.
I guess I will go with the option of paying to return parts of the humidifier to them for $25.
Today I did some searches on the Crane Frog humidifier noise issue, and it seems I am not alone. Several people have reported issues with the Frog. However, Crane humidifiers overall get very good reviews, even from Consumer Reports. My conclusion is that the Frog model is most likely the issue.
The Duck is working great!
So, in case anyone is Googling Crane humidifier noise problems, I hope this can help: I recommend the Duck model, but not the Frog!
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Something wrong with comments
Just wanted to let everyone know that there is something wrong with the comments on my blog, I am aware of it... although not happy about it. Apparently the CommentLuv plugin (which I luved until now) is not showing a link at the bottom of each post which would allow you to comment. If you click on the title of the post or open a post from within an RSS reader, you will see the comment box and all it's fun stuff. But not if you visit the blog directly. I have no idea why this is.
We are working on a redesign off and on, so hopefully this will improve upon relaunch. But I have no idea. Anyone with experience in this area, please feel free to click on the title of this post and comment (doh) or email me directly at jenny[at]conscientiousconfusion[dot]com!
We are working on a redesign off and on, so hopefully this will improve upon relaunch. But I have no idea. Anyone with experience in this area, please feel free to click on the title of this post and comment (doh) or email me directly at jenny[at]conscientiousconfusion[dot]com!
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Books: The New Strong-Willed Child vs. Parenting with Love and Logic
When I was researching different methods of dealing with babies i.e., Cry It Out versus Attachment Parenting, I made an effort to read books from all sides of the sleep training spectrum. For example, see my review of The Baby Whisperer, my review of Sleeping Through The Night, and also Dr. Weiss@ss's book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child (which not only made me paranoid but also made me fear that my own child was a freak of nature). I also read BabyWise and The No-Cry Sleep Solution.
I am now reading books on different methods of discipline. Little Sir has started throwing fits when he doesn't get his way. He's still too young for us to explain things to him because he can't understand yet, and the poor guy is also too young to tell us what is truly upsetting him. So really this is just preliminary research on how we would like to approach discipline once he becomes old enough to understand it. I have heard it could be as early as 18 months that he could understand, so it's coming up...
I have started by read two books which turned out to be on the opposite ends of the discipline spectrum: one by Dr. James Dobson (aka "everyone should spank their children for everything") and one by Jim and Charles Fay (a father and son team who advocate using reasoning and logic to help train children to make their own positive choices - also called "positive parenting").
I am going to admit right now that I hated the Dobson book and I had to stop listening to it (it was on audiobook) several times to yell at the author, who wasn't even there. On the other hand, I loved the Love and Logic book, it made so much sense to me.
The New Strong-Willed Child
by Dr. James Dobson
First of all, I grew up with my parents listening to this guy on the radio. Christian and I were given a devotional by him and his wife that we read once a few years back. I want to like him... However, as an adult I have seen some of the things he has said in public and the policies he has advocated, and I have to say that I do NOT agree with a large percentage of what he or his organization says and does politically. But I know that he is a theologian of sorts, and that my parents read this book when I was growing up, so I was willing to give it a try. Although I had heard that basically he is a huge spanking advocate.
Over and over Dr. Dobson and the guests he interviews throughout this book state, "strong-willed children LOVE conflict, they just thrive on it!". I have a problem with this, as someone who was labeled a strong-willed child when I was young, and a strong-willed teenager when I was older... and a discipline problem and on and on and on... I did NOT love conflict, and I still do not. I hate it! I am a people pleaser, and I have always been a people pleaser. If I get passionate about things, it is only because I feel threatened in some way or misunderstood, and I have to feel threatened enough to overcome the desire to please. By that point, when I was a child, I would have lost the control needed to articulate what was upsetting me. I have never entered into conflict for "fun" or because I enjoyed it. Ever. Conflict has always given me stress and upset me, my entire life. Therefore, it made me mad when they grouped all children who don't do exactly what they are told, right away, without any questions, as "behavioral problems". The assumption leaves no room at all for children who might just be seeking more information or who are wanting to do something a little differently than someone else.
Dobson's theory is basically that "these kids are just bad because they enjoy conflict and we have to beat that out of them". Dobson is a Christian, but where is the grace in that approach? I can't remember Jesus beating the crap out of people when he was on earth because they were doing stupid things. What I do remember is that he went to great lengths to offer logical wisdom and compassion to sinners, and He offers everyone a choice, even when that choice might hurt them. He even called the people he was reasoning with "children", so it's not like He was treating them more gently because they were adults and that He might have been more harsh if they were children.
I think the reason Dobson doesn't see the need to apply grace in his discipline might be because, throughout the book, he doesn't approach children as small human beings who might have questions and opinions. He approaches them as some kind of moldable clay, an inanimate object that must be conformed into a pleasant image that we enjoy. At one point he even states that an adult should be able to impose his or her will on a child who is doing anything the adult finds "irritating" or inconvenient, and there is no need for that adult to explain why the child should need to obey instantly and without question. He never considers that maybe the reason a child might hesitate to follow a command might be because he or she doesn't understand the implications, or might want to know the reason behind something. In another section, he specifically mocks the idea of acknowledging a child's emotions. Anyone who takes a child's emotions into account is weak and doing so is "unworkable" for a parent, he says. His disregard of the child as an individual bothered me throughout the whole book.
Ideas and direct quotes from this book that made me stop the audiobook and yell at the author:
Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years
by Jim Fay, Charles Fay
I felt a lot better about this book. Jim and Charles Fay talk a lot about how parents can provide children with small choices in things that don't actually matter ("would you like to wear the blue shoes or the red shoes?") and that are structured so that either choice is acceptable to the parent ("would you like to put on your coat now, or take it with us and put it on later" - not giving in to a child who doesn't want to put on the coat, but realizing that it really isn't necessary to put on the coat NOW, giving the child the opportunity to realize that he/she is cold later and then decide on their own that they want the coat, which we brought with us, for that reason).
In the Strong-Willed Child book, Dobson actually attacks this method of parenting by saying it is "wimp parenting". He bases that statement on the assumption that the child will be given a choice in every situation and that the parent will be giving up all his or her authority forever, dooming everyone to a life of children leading the parents. However, if he had read this particular book he would have seen that this book does not advocate giving choices in every situation. The idea is that you, the parent, decide in which situations you will enforce authority and when you can be flexible in order to use the situation for learning. When it comes to a situation that is not negotiable, such as "stay out of the street", the idea is that you will remind the child that he or she is given choices in a lot of other things but in this area, they are not given a choice - instead, the parent is "cashing in" on the relational trust that previous choices have built. Of course, there are going to be situations when the child still doesn't agree and disobeys, and that's probably where alternative forms of discipline come in. This book advocates a natural consequence related to the disobedience, such as not being able to go outside if you won't stay out of the street, rather than spanking.
To me, it seems that this is a very involved and strong version of parenting because it puts the parent in the same situation as a manager at work - the parent is constantly evaluating what is happening and deciding whether this situation can be "delegated" to let the child have a fun choice or a learning opportunity, or if it is situation where the parent must be firm.
The essence of this approach is that you will sometimes allow a child to suffer the natural consequences of bad choices in situations where the choices aren't really that important, so that you foster the ability for the child to think ahead and make better choices in the future. Also, that disciplinary action can be related to the actual disobedience to help the child learn a lesson. I think that is the issue I have with spanking - I don't have a problem with spanking per se (I was spanked) - but that I could see when it might be difficult for a child to connect the spanking with what they did that was wrong. Spanking might indeed have it's place, but I don't think it is the answer to every single time a child does something wrong. The punishment should fit the crime, if that makes sense. Which is what I liked about what this book is suggesting.
Another reason I like this book's approach is because it helps a parent practice being less controlling in the smaller things, within reasonable guidelines. I have issues with wanting to control too many things, and I think it would be helpful for me to step back and think, "is this really worth a battle to enforce my will on my child, or could I let go of some control and allow them to choose, and therefore provide them with a lesson they can learn from?".
Overall, the idea of the Fray's book is that the parent earns the respect of the child through teaching and communication, not by force.
~~~
As we did with the baby and sleep-training books, I am sure we will take something from each book we read and use a little bit of it, and a little bit of things we find elsewhere. Those are my thoughts on the books we've read so far. Any other suggestions for books?
I am now reading books on different methods of discipline. Little Sir has started throwing fits when he doesn't get his way. He's still too young for us to explain things to him because he can't understand yet, and the poor guy is also too young to tell us what is truly upsetting him. So really this is just preliminary research on how we would like to approach discipline once he becomes old enough to understand it. I have heard it could be as early as 18 months that he could understand, so it's coming up...
I have started by read two books which turned out to be on the opposite ends of the discipline spectrum: one by Dr. James Dobson (aka "everyone should spank their children for everything") and one by Jim and Charles Fay (a father and son team who advocate using reasoning and logic to help train children to make their own positive choices - also called "positive parenting").
I am going to admit right now that I hated the Dobson book and I had to stop listening to it (it was on audiobook) several times to yell at the author, who wasn't even there. On the other hand, I loved the Love and Logic book, it made so much sense to me.
The New Strong-Willed Child
by Dr. James Dobson
First of all, I grew up with my parents listening to this guy on the radio. Christian and I were given a devotional by him and his wife that we read once a few years back. I want to like him... However, as an adult I have seen some of the things he has said in public and the policies he has advocated, and I have to say that I do NOT agree with a large percentage of what he or his organization says and does politically. But I know that he is a theologian of sorts, and that my parents read this book when I was growing up, so I was willing to give it a try. Although I had heard that basically he is a huge spanking advocate.
Over and over Dr. Dobson and the guests he interviews throughout this book state, "strong-willed children LOVE conflict, they just thrive on it!". I have a problem with this, as someone who was labeled a strong-willed child when I was young, and a strong-willed teenager when I was older... and a discipline problem and on and on and on... I did NOT love conflict, and I still do not. I hate it! I am a people pleaser, and I have always been a people pleaser. If I get passionate about things, it is only because I feel threatened in some way or misunderstood, and I have to feel threatened enough to overcome the desire to please. By that point, when I was a child, I would have lost the control needed to articulate what was upsetting me. I have never entered into conflict for "fun" or because I enjoyed it. Ever. Conflict has always given me stress and upset me, my entire life. Therefore, it made me mad when they grouped all children who don't do exactly what they are told, right away, without any questions, as "behavioral problems". The assumption leaves no room at all for children who might just be seeking more information or who are wanting to do something a little differently than someone else.
Dobson's theory is basically that "these kids are just bad because they enjoy conflict and we have to beat that out of them". Dobson is a Christian, but where is the grace in that approach? I can't remember Jesus beating the crap out of people when he was on earth because they were doing stupid things. What I do remember is that he went to great lengths to offer logical wisdom and compassion to sinners, and He offers everyone a choice, even when that choice might hurt them. He even called the people he was reasoning with "children", so it's not like He was treating them more gently because they were adults and that He might have been more harsh if they were children.
I think the reason Dobson doesn't see the need to apply grace in his discipline might be because, throughout the book, he doesn't approach children as small human beings who might have questions and opinions. He approaches them as some kind of moldable clay, an inanimate object that must be conformed into a pleasant image that we enjoy. At one point he even states that an adult should be able to impose his or her will on a child who is doing anything the adult finds "irritating" or inconvenient, and there is no need for that adult to explain why the child should need to obey instantly and without question. He never considers that maybe the reason a child might hesitate to follow a command might be because he or she doesn't understand the implications, or might want to know the reason behind something. In another section, he specifically mocks the idea of acknowledging a child's emotions. Anyone who takes a child's emotions into account is weak and doing so is "unworkable" for a parent, he says. His disregard of the child as an individual bothered me throughout the whole book.
Ideas and direct quotes from this book that made me stop the audiobook and yell at the author:
- The child is looking for a fight, and the parent would be wise to give him exactly that. (direct quote)
- It is extremely important for the parent to "win". (direct quote)
- If you "lose" a "battle" (explaining reasons or giving choices is "losing", apparently), your child will lose all respect for you, forever.
- A child's bad temperment leads them to oppose anything that anyone tells them to do, and that should be expected and assumed.
- He says "Harshness, sternness, and gruffness are not the way to treat a child". BUT spanking is OK. For any reason. At any time. Just don't be grumpy about it. (WHAT?)
- By the time an infant is a few days old, he or she is capable of manipulating a parent to do what he or she needs. (That is a QUOTE, again. OMG like this is bad? that my baby is able to get me to feed him when he is helpless and hungry? I guess that means I need to spank him! I nearly peed myself when I read this)
- He recommends physical punishment as early as 15 months, and states in the same chapter that there is no need for a parent to explain why they are giving a command, using physical enforcement should BE the explanation.
- He blames all the issues of teenage angst on MTV. "It is determined to send your kids to hell" (that is a QUOTE)
Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years
by Jim Fay, Charles Fay
I felt a lot better about this book. Jim and Charles Fay talk a lot about how parents can provide children with small choices in things that don't actually matter ("would you like to wear the blue shoes or the red shoes?") and that are structured so that either choice is acceptable to the parent ("would you like to put on your coat now, or take it with us and put it on later" - not giving in to a child who doesn't want to put on the coat, but realizing that it really isn't necessary to put on the coat NOW, giving the child the opportunity to realize that he/she is cold later and then decide on their own that they want the coat, which we brought with us, for that reason).
In the Strong-Willed Child book, Dobson actually attacks this method of parenting by saying it is "wimp parenting". He bases that statement on the assumption that the child will be given a choice in every situation and that the parent will be giving up all his or her authority forever, dooming everyone to a life of children leading the parents. However, if he had read this particular book he would have seen that this book does not advocate giving choices in every situation. The idea is that you, the parent, decide in which situations you will enforce authority and when you can be flexible in order to use the situation for learning. When it comes to a situation that is not negotiable, such as "stay out of the street", the idea is that you will remind the child that he or she is given choices in a lot of other things but in this area, they are not given a choice - instead, the parent is "cashing in" on the relational trust that previous choices have built. Of course, there are going to be situations when the child still doesn't agree and disobeys, and that's probably where alternative forms of discipline come in. This book advocates a natural consequence related to the disobedience, such as not being able to go outside if you won't stay out of the street, rather than spanking.
To me, it seems that this is a very involved and strong version of parenting because it puts the parent in the same situation as a manager at work - the parent is constantly evaluating what is happening and deciding whether this situation can be "delegated" to let the child have a fun choice or a learning opportunity, or if it is situation where the parent must be firm.
The essence of this approach is that you will sometimes allow a child to suffer the natural consequences of bad choices in situations where the choices aren't really that important, so that you foster the ability for the child to think ahead and make better choices in the future. Also, that disciplinary action can be related to the actual disobedience to help the child learn a lesson. I think that is the issue I have with spanking - I don't have a problem with spanking per se (I was spanked) - but that I could see when it might be difficult for a child to connect the spanking with what they did that was wrong. Spanking might indeed have it's place, but I don't think it is the answer to every single time a child does something wrong. The punishment should fit the crime, if that makes sense. Which is what I liked about what this book is suggesting.
Another reason I like this book's approach is because it helps a parent practice being less controlling in the smaller things, within reasonable guidelines. I have issues with wanting to control too many things, and I think it would be helpful for me to step back and think, "is this really worth a battle to enforce my will on my child, or could I let go of some control and allow them to choose, and therefore provide them with a lesson they can learn from?".
Overall, the idea of the Fray's book is that the parent earns the respect of the child through teaching and communication, not by force.
~~~
As we did with the baby and sleep-training books, I am sure we will take something from each book we read and use a little bit of it, and a little bit of things we find elsewhere. Those are my thoughts on the books we've read so far. Any other suggestions for books?
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
2nd time around: Formula and Breastfeeding
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| Little Sir: he did breastfeed for 6 months |
As I approach this second baby, I am actually thankful for my experience with formula because I think it will help me breastfeed longer this time. Hopefully this time I will not be so connected to the breast pump, which I still believe sabotaged my supply last time. I should be more available, time-wise, to nurse on a regular schedule. I am not so optimistic that I anticipate my milk production to be able to keep up with the growing baby at 4-5 months old - I wasn't able to with Little Sir. My boobs just don't make much milk, even with massage, supplements, eating superfoods, drinking gallons of water, etc., etc. But, unlike last time, this time I know that I can start adding formula into the mix at any point and that doesn't mean I have to stop breastfeeding. This time I can breastfeed as long as my baby is willing to keep breastfeeding, even though my production can't keep up with him/her because I have the option of adding formula into the mix. I am actually very excited about trying this, and I feel a lot of freedom from the knowledge that it is not "all or nothing".
I guess I'd like to encourage other moms having trouble breastfeeding and thinking about supplementing with formula. I know that formula is demonized by the green and natural parenting movement as a "booby trap", but for us, it has been the opposite. For those of you who do formula feed and are feeling guilt, I would have to say that one of the best resources I've found is a blog called The Fearless Formula Feeder, written by a highly educated mom who is helping us feel less like "bad moms" for feeding our babies in the way that works for us.
I am looking forward to my second breastfeeding relationship, and I'll keep you updated!
Saturday, January 01, 2011
2011 New Year's To Do List
However, I do like Jennie from She Likes Purple's idea of a 2011 To Do List. I was thinking about this already before I found out that she does it every year - good idea!
Here are my current "to do"'s for 2011. I don't have as many as Jennie does, but we are also having another baby, possibly moving again, and possibly facing career changes, so I don't want to over-commit.
2011 To Do List
- Complete redesign of this blog (already in the works), including logo and business cards. I am basing the design on the work of an awesome sculptor who has graciously given me his permission to use his work as inspiration for a graphic designer to build on. I can't wait for you all to see it! Not sure yet if I'll have to convert to Wordpress...
- Get all the cross-stitch pieces people have given me re-framed into corresponding/compatible frames that also mesh with our modern-ish decor, giving them the ability to be displayed in main rooms of the house rather than stored away somewhere.
- Rebuild my wardrobe once I return to my pre-pregnancy size. I've been pregnant or post-pregnant for over 2 years straight now, so I own hardly any non-maternity clothing - and what I have is 2 years behind. Time to start from scratch!
- Keep growing out my hair. Nobody let me cut it all off again, I don't care what I say!!! What was I thinking??
- Continue blog posting and Twittering regularly, despite whatever life changes we are going through. Long silences are bad for traffic! Plus, having this non-mommy blog forces me to think about non-mommy things when the mommy-ing gets overwhelming.
- Keep myself open to alternative part-time career opportunities that do NOT involve sales. Maybe social media? Maybe an off-shoot of something blogging related? I am open to ideas and suggestions!
- Consider entering into sponsorship partnerships with companies I love, to further the blogging thing. I don't know much about this stuff. I am not promising anything.
- Figure out how to babyproof our cabinets which have no handles.
- Turn all my blog posts on the family blog from 2009 and 2010 into physical books using Blog2Print.com - this is the only way our family will ever own a "scrapbook" and it's so much easier because I've already done the work!
Happy New Year!!