Merry guilt-free Christmas!

We were excited to have a white Christmas this year, and so many things to be thankful for!

We celebrated here at our house with our family of four plus my brother-in-law, Garrett. For pictures and info about what we do as a family, you can always check out my family blog, which I am terrible at updating.

We had a great day full of presents and food, and while we spent very little money and chose the childrens' gifts conscientiously, there are a few that were plastic, and therefore not terribly "green". The majority of my son's gifts were actually secondhand, if that helps any. I'd rather not expose myself to green blogger criticism by going into detail about what we gave them, but be aware that we chose even those toys conscientiously because we felt that the experience outweighed the risks.

I don't have a beautiful picture of our entire family together wearing matching anything near a tree because I was unable to corral my children long enough to get anything like that, and honestly, they spent most of the time arguing and fighting (keepin' it real, here). Instead, I have this delicious picture of  the (vegan, soy-free) birthday cake they decorated for Jesus. Obviously, artificial colors were used in the toppings but no trans fats, dairy, or soy.

I hope that each of you had a wonderful, delicious, and guilt-free holiday! I'd love to hear your not-so-green confession in the comments.

I'll be back later this week to review the success or failure of my To Do List from 2012 and explore my new To Do List for 2013!

7 Years

Today marks 7 years since Christian and I said "I do" in a tiny private ceremony at a Justice of the Peace that is now less than a mile from our house!

December 23, 2005

I've never seen the movie "The Seven Year Itch" but I understand that it's based on the idea that this is about the time in a marriage where things can solidify into negative patterns. I can totally see what they mean by that. Marriage is hard work and I have a pattern in my life of giving up when things get difficult. When I made that promise, I meant it, and divorce is not even an option for either of us. But there are many ways a couple can live in a marriage that are "un-divorced" but not in unity of mind or heart. Where you can give up but not actually leave. That is where the 7 years becomes dangerous, and we have really seen that potential since having our kids. This year, I am thankful that we made the investment in our marriage to attend 20 weeks of ReEngage at Watermark. It was 20 weeks where I had to get my kids up to church by myself  and put them in childcare for the second time in one day, and it was stressful sometimes but definitely worth it. We met 3 other couples who were such blessings to us as we all talked about the issues in our marriages and how we can each take responsibility for our own side. I can't believe we won't be seeing them every week going forward and I will miss them a lot as we move on to other commitments in 2013.

I hope that in this 8th year of marriage, we take the lessons we have learned and re-learned and continue to actively apply them with the help of God and our community of friends.

Here's to many more years - I love you, Christian!

Thoughts on Sandy Hook shooting

I never post late on a Sunday night but, according to various bloggers, either tomorrow (Monday, Dec 17) or Tuesday, Dec 18 is a Blogging Day Of Silence in honor of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings. I don't know which day it actually is, but I will just go ahead and forego posting either one of those days.



I've been thinking all weekend about what I should post about this.

First of all, of course, I am sad. There are no words. Many of my friends' kids are starting school and these children were the age of their children, whom I see every week. The age of my niece, the very first child I have watched grow up from a baby.

I have read the I Am Adam Lanza's Mother blog piece, and I have thought a lot about what it must be like to have such a violent and unpredictable son that you nevertheless love, and for whom you want to believe the best, and then you find in your last moments on earth that your trust was misplaced. Even before I knew he had documented mental issues, I was thinking about the kind of society we have created in which his mother and those around him were so isolated that they were not supported and he was not known well enough by anyone to be stopped. What a terrible isolation we have allowed in this society.

And, of course, the gun issue...why in God's name does any private citizen need a semi-automatic weapon? Why do we even allow these to be sold to private citizens? For the armed services, understandable. For police officers. But a private citizen?! Do not even tell me that it is for hunting -- a deer is not going to shoot back, you don't need a semi-automatic weapon to obliterate a deer. No one can hang a rack of antlers when there are no antlers left.

Twitter was not a good place to be these past few days. The words that I would use to describe the reactions would be: horror, fear, despair, hopelessness, panic, followed by blame and anger.

I'm going to backtrack a little in my own life to give you some context for my reaction before I attempt the ridiculous task of trying to describe it. Most of my life I believed that I had to do and be a lot of things in order to control the world around me, so that things would go the "right" way -- my way. The way I felt in my head that things should go. If something went wrong, it was my fault. If someone else was upset or unhappy or anything negative, I internalized it and blamed myself. Control is an illusion. It was always out of my grasp. After wallowing in several addictions for a few years, trying to cover up my inability to control everything, I let go of my stranglehold on life and gave up control. Gave it up to, as the 12 Step Programs say, A Higher Power. Every day since then has been tiny baby steps to continue giving up the need to control things. To let go and trust God more. It's been an awesome journey, as He has never disappointed me. He is always there, and He is always enough.

I know that not everyone who reads this blog believes in God or Jesus, and I hope that this a place for everyone to learn to live consciously rather than a platform for my beliefs. But I will tell you that I did not panic, and I was not incapacitated with fear about the future when I understood what happened at Sandy Hook even thought it is indeed very close to every one of us. After all these years of practicing trusting in a God who is powerful and in control, when the unthinkable happened and we were all swamped with feelings of sadness and horror, I did not feel responsible for fixing it all right now or everything would shatter, if that even makes sense. My mind wasn't overwhelmed with thoughts of the hundreds of ways I need to protect my own children from anything like this every happening because I know that I cannot. Nothing I can do can keep them safe from cancer, car accidents, or random acts of violence. These are evil things, but our God has overcome evil. If something like this happens to me or my family, my heart and mind might explode but my God will remain the same. My life will change but He never will.

Please hear me say that this does not mean I think what happened was OK or excusable or that it was "God's will". Hell, no. Literally. The heart of the God I read about in my bible was broken along with the parents and friends of those children on Friday. He knows what it is like to have a Son who He loves die a horrible death at the hand of evil men. But He also loves every human being so much that He allows us to have free will, despite how terribly we misuse that gift. Adam Lanza had free will. He used it for evil. God has an ultimate plan for evil, He will not allow it to continue forever. Adam Lanza is accountable for his actions, as we all are at the end of our lives. Perhaps Adam was mentally ill and incapable of making that kind of decision, but I also trust that God knows his heart.

I guess what I am saying is that, although I spent all weekend with a heavy heart, hugged my kids more tightly than ever, and had more than a few thoughts about gun control laws and mental illness, I felt comforted by God. Not that He has made anything better or that things will get better, but just that He is there. Crying with us. Sad for us and what we have done to this earth and this society. In spite of it all, He is present for my family and my community, no matter what evil is out there. Our job is to just keep fighting that evil, whatever that looks like for us our everyday lives. I also trust that He will show us how to fight that fight, and give us the strength to do it.

For me, for now, I think that means to keep showing my children how to live as Jesus lived, in love and peace and wisdom toward others. I will raise them that way as long as God sees fit for me to have them in my house. I cannot control if they choose to believe what I believe, but I can live in front of them and share with them. I guess a lot like I do with this blog. You can choose to do whatever you will with the things that I share. It's OK. I trust that it is not my job to control the outcome.

As you can see, this is a post about my own personal state of mind, and not the way I think anyone else "should" feel. I am just sharing with you a small victory in my own life as I am slowly moving from a place where my mind was out of control to a place where, now, I can see peace seeping in. I pray this kind of Peace for everyone in our nation and our world.

NOTE: I have disabled comments on this post. If you have any questions about the faith aspect of this post, please feel free to contact me directly jenny {at} conscientiousconfusion {dot} com.

Eco-friendly party favors: racecar edition

A few weeks ago, my Little Sir turned 3 years old! He requested a "racecar" birthday party. He likes all racecars, so he wasn't really picky about a Disney theme, just cars in general. You can read more about the specifics of the birthday party on our family blog. I am really not much of a party planner, but it was important to me, as always, to keep our ecological footprint as small as possible with this party. I did go with some disposable plates, cups, and napkins. Sorry, earth. At some point I do plan to purchase bamboo plates and utensils. Expensive. Later.

So, OK, I had to focus on only one thing to "green": the favor bags. If you have young kids, you know that favor bags are typically full of plastic things that are thrown away eventually and never, ever biodegrade. I was determined not to contribute to that kind of waste.

For the bag itself, I bought a yard of Disney Cars fabric from our fabric store and made simple drawstring bags with grosgrain ribbons. There were only 4 seams on each one, so it really didn't take much time. Here is a picture of what was inside, pictured laying on top of one of the bags:

1. Cars Halloween themed pencil erasers
2. Car shaped crayon that I made out of our old, broken crayon collection using this tutorial found on Pinterest.
3. Each guest got a Hot Wheels racecar. The metal kind.
4. Cars temporary tattoos. This was also an activity at the party - I had a sponge out and everyone got to apply tattooes.
5. Not pictured - most guests did get one of those paper party blowers, I just didn't have any leftover. Hopefully since they were paper they were biodegradeable.

Now that I look at the list, it could have been more eco-friendly, but this is a good start. We'll try again for Little Lady's birthday!

Book review: Sirius Loss by Tim Edwards

Although I watched my fair share of Star Trek in high school and college (ALL of the TNG episodes...multiple times!...do not get me started on Voyager, Enterprise, or DS9), I have actually never read any Sci Fi books. Then, last year, my uncle wrote one! It's called Sirius Loss: A Star Lost, a New Future by Tim Edwards.

First of all, I want to admit the nepotism inherent in this post. The author of this book is my uncle, obviously. I got the book for free (well, partially true - he gave me a copy for free but I actually read it on Kindle and I bought that one myself). Truth be told, I was a little nervous about reading it. Partially because I am pretty unfamiliar with this genre in general and didn't know what to expect. Here's the description of the plot from Amazon:

An unassuming astronomer and her family find themselves and the entire world dislocated after she makes a series of major interstellar discoveries that lead to the worst threat to Earth ever. Everyone tries to carry on with life as best they can, seeking normalcy in the midst of the news that the Earth has less than four years. Then she makes another discovery even more remarkable that opens the door to our first contact with an advanced civilization that has come to our rescue. The future of our solar system, the sun, and the Earth will never be the same again.

Although I know that the author worked with NASA scientists on the science parts of the book, the science was not too difficult to understand for a lay person, and the faith aspect was not overdone. The characters were believable and I actually found myself staying up past my bedtime one night to find out what happened at the end! Definitely recommend a read, and wonder about a sequel since only one of the scientific mysteries that were discovered in the book was resolved.

3 actions I'd love for you to take!

1. Please "Like" the Sirius Loss Facebook page for updates and thoughtful blog post about the intersection of science and faith.


2. Attend a book signing with the author, Tim Edwards, on September 8, 2012 (next week!) at the Barns & Noble in Plano, TX. I will be there! We can meet up! More info can be found on the Facebook Event page or the Barnes & Noble event page.


3. Read the book. Of course! You can buy the book at the book signing or on Amazon, but I will make it even easier for you. You can enter my Rafflecopter giveaway, below!

 

This giveaway has ended, thanks for participating!

If you are local, I can actually deliver a copy to you at the book signing in Plano!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Toddler verdict: homemade toothpaste = NO!

In my ongoing quest to be more green, save money, and learn how to make my own stuff, I read Ashleigh's post on making your own toothpaste and thought, "YES!".  I even had all the ingredients in my kitchen already.

My kids are currently 1 year old and 2 years old, and can't brush with toothpaste containing fluoride because they see toothpaste as a snack. They actually ASK for more toothpaste after sucking the paste off the brush. Obviously, I can't allow them to ingest fluoride like that. So I have been shelling out major dinero buying them toddler toothpaste without fluoride that is xylitol-based. If you haven't read the ingredients on your toddlers' fluoride-free toothpaste, please do. If you're buying the cheapest brand, I can almost guarantee that you're allowing them to put high fructose corn syrup or aspartame on their teeth before bed. Why, Colgate, why?!

As far as sweeteners for toothpaste go, xylitol is your best bet because it is actually good for your teeth. However, there are always dyes and other things in the kids' store-bought toothpaste that I don't love.

I made the toothpaste recipe using peppermint essential oil for additional antibacterial properties. I tried it myself and it leaves a wonderful minty clean feeling in the mouth. I felt like I'd just had a teeth cleaning!

I shared it with my husband. He HATED it. To be fair, he hates coconut in all forms: the oil, the smell, the actual nut, the flavor. Everything
. So the fact that it had coconut oil in it at all was a no-go for him.

I shared it with my kids. My 2 year old actually burst into tears and threw a tantrum. My 1 year old would not open her mouth at all. She threw the toothbrush on the ground.

Everyone was crying

So now I have a lovely jar of toothpaste that I enjoy but no one else in the family will touch. We went to the store and bought more toddler xylitol toothpaste, a tube for around $6. It will last about 3 weeks before we have to buy another. Awesome.

I know what it is that my kids want: fruity flavor. They don't like peppermint and they don't like cinnamon. I have been scouring the internets and can't find any recipes for toothpaste that would taste fruity.

What could I use to provide the fruit flavor without artificial chemicals, that also wouldn't have sugar that would build up on their teeth overnight? Ideas, please!

Book: Cleaning House by Kay Wills Wyma

Today's book review also comes with a neat little TV segment interview to give you a better idea of the topic of the book. Kay Wills Wyma actually goes to our church and is one of the teachers at the study I attend during the fall and spring. However, this book isn't a "Christian" book - it's a book about Kay's life and an experiment she did with her kids. This book was not a "how to" or a "what to do". It reads more like a blog than anything... and it is a blog too: The Moat Blog.



Kay realized a few years ago, to her horror, that her kids ages 2-14 years old were really unable to do even some of the most basic things on their own. She started seriously thinking of how our children are affected in the long term when we tend to do things "for" them instead of teaching them how to do those things themselves. We are afraid they'll fail or they won't do it right. Or we rescue them from situations they could have learned from. She has an article in the New York Times this week called Let Them Climb Trees (and Fall).

"Cleaning House" is a book documenting Kay's journey to teach her kids some basic skills and how she watched them grow in confidence and capability, even when they resisted and failed along the away. In the end, the whole family gained a whole new set of skills and a whole new "can do" outlook on life.

I loved that this book made me laugh, sympathize, and keep reading! In fact, I had a book club book I was "supposed" to be reading at the same time but I kept putting it down to read this book instead! It's a highly readable and relatable book. I plan to hang on to my copy and refer to it often over the years to help remind me to teach my kids to learn and fail on their own. I am already practicing this on the playground with my 2.5 and 1 year old, as I let them climb and play on their own. I've actually already done this most of their lives, so that when they fall sometimes now, they are able to brush themselves off and keep going, for the most part. There's a bonus to letting your kids do more on their own, too - if they're still napping, they seem to take better naps after a good independent playing session!

I'd love to hear if you've read this book and loved it as much as I did or if you plan to read it too!




NOTE: I did receive a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for this review, but all opinions are my own. If I didn't like it, I promise I would tell you.

Balance and margin

Back when I was single, before and during the going-through-therapy-and-recovery days, I had a real problem with over-commitment. It was really a function of me finding my security in what people thought of me because I never wanted to say "no". So I said "yes" even thought that meant double- and triple- and even quadruple-booking my days and nights. I was on the go all the time and I had a lot of breakdowns from overextending myself.

As I grew older and emotionally more healthy, I realized that I did not have to say "yes" to everything. I could create margin in my life and schedule down time. It's true that I lost touch with a lot of my friends from my single days when I got married, but it wasn't because I was so absorbed with my new life that I didn't care about them anymore. I made conscious choices to focus my energies on only a few things, and put my husband as the #1 priority. Having a "doing nothing" weekend was very important to him, so we didn't commit to too many scheduled things. I think this is about the time I started really living consciously, and I started this blog somewhere around then too.

This picture was taken right around the last
time I had a full night's sleep, in 2008

With the birth of my two small children, I once again went back to the "bare bones" of social and volunteer commitments. I hadn't realized how much I'd taken on over the years, but I cut it back to pretty much zero after Little Sir was born, and again with Little Lady. The first year of her life I wasn't working anymore, but I also never slept through the night, so dividing my attention in any way was pretty much out of the question.

I have my fingers crossed as I type this (it's difficult!), but I think I can say it now: both my kids have been sleeping through the night regularly for almost 2 months now. Wow. It's totally amazing. I am starting to find bandwidth in my day that was never there before. By the time my son started sleeping through the night, I had a newborn, so I have not experienced this feeling of sleep since the end of 2008.

With the sleep returns the feeling that I could be doing more. I should clean more, I should sew more, I can volunteer now, I need to start working out...on and on. In the end, it's actually sort of immobilized me. I just want to sit and do nothing because there are too many things I could be doing.

It's the long way of saying this is why I haven't been blogging lately. I actually have some great things to share with you, a few products that I LOVE which I think you will love, and a new career-type endeavor for me.

But while I approach these new things, I do it cautiously. I want to keep the margin of peacefulness I've been forced to cultivate over the last few years. I really do think it is a gift, even if I've mostly used it to sleep.

Do you have any tips for balancing? I'd love to hear your words of wisdom or encouragement!

Seeing the sights in Dallas...and in life

My Little Lady has a favorite word these days. It sounds like "aaaaaah" to everyone else, but I know what she is saying: "eyes". She loves to point at her own eyes or at my eyes and say that word over and over. She has the most beautiful blue eyes, just like her Daddy and her brother.

One thing that I love about my two little ones is seeing things through their eyes. After living in Dallas for so long, I tend to take for granted the lovely or fun things around me. But when we go anywhere together, my kids are so impressed. The colors of the stop lights! A flower growing on the sidewalk! A doggie! That sign is a triangle!

Our favorite outings are outside, anywhere that they can run around. We enjoy meeting our playgroup friends at the Dallas Arboretum when the weather is nice. Another friend is a member of the Dallas Zoo and takes us there for visits. Our favorite parks in Dallas are Caruth Park and the Scottish Rite Children's Hospital Park.

When the weather isn't so great, we head to NorthPark Mall to see the ducks and turtles.

We love to visit the Dallas Museum of Art on First Tuesdays when it's free, too. It was on one of these Tuesdays that we met David Chicken for the first time, and now the "Recycle Bin" song is in constant demand at our house!

All of these outings have one thing in common: so many things to see. I am so thankful that so far, neither of my children display any of the nearsightedness that my husband I have so severely. Their little eyes are currently still perfect (as far as we know) and can take in so much, from so far away, and so easily.

They can't always describe what they're seeing, but I know they're taking it all in. Little Lady will point and make babbling noises. Little Sir is more vocal - he tells me how he sees numbers and letters everywhere, and often shapes. He has been learning throughout his short life just by seeing what is around him.

Of course, one of my favorite things to see is how they're growing and learning just by experiencing. I may not be a teacher-type person (far from it!), but I don't need to be. All I have to do is provide the opportunities, and they take it all in. I wish I was better at documenting everything. Even when I do grab my camera, it never captures the true spirit of the moment. The best way for me to experience these fun times with my kids is to just see and remember. I hope that I can always do both of those things well.

~~~
Take the pledge
Our eyesight is so important to the way we experience life, and healthy eyesight is key. You can learn more about healthy eyesight and take the pledge, with me, to maintain healthy vision with regular vision screenings by visiting My Eye Promise. For each new promise submitted in 2012, Transitions Optical will donate a brand new book to mobile literacy initiative Bess the Book Bus, helping children nationwide become enthusiastic lifelong readers and reinforcing the important connection between healthy, quality vision and the ability to read and learn.

Get a free vision screening at Taste Addison
This weekend, Christian and I will be heading over to Taste Addison on a date night! While we're there, we'll stop by the Transitions lenses booth, in local partnership with Essilor and First Eye Care. They're presenting the Ultimate Sightseeing Experience with free vision screenings for the whole family, the opportunity to get your photo taken in front of a scenic backdrop and the chance to win prizes and giveaways! Learn more here.

Enter the photo contest online
Sight of the Day Photo Contest: Capturing everyday moments through photography gives you the opportunity to cherish memories for a lifetime. Enter the Official Sponsor of Sightseeing™ Sight of the Day Photo Contest for your chance to win the Ultimate Sightseeing Dream Vacation! Learn more here.

More info on Transitions lenses.
"Like" Transitions on Facebook or follow Transitions on Twitter to learn more!

~~~
I received compensation to participate in SocialMoms and Transitions lenses blogging program. The opinions and ideas expressed here are my own. To read more posts on this topic, click here.

Cottonwood Art Festival 2012: ArtStop for Kids

It's spring, and you know what that means, right? The Cottonwood Art Festival in Richardson! If you've followed this blog for long, you know that we love the festival. My header art comes from Dave Rizzo Studios, a sculptor whose work I encountered for the first time in 2010 at the festival.

Cottonwood Art Festival, music pavilion area

I'm excited because Little Sir is finally old enough to participate in the ArtStop activities at the festival this year! Although admission to the festival is free, some ArtStop activities require 1-4 tickets at $1 each, available at the event. 
This year’s ArtStop Activity Stations include:

• Crazy Cool Caps – Let the kids show off their pint-sized personalities by creating their own over-the-top hat! There is plenty of glitter, feathers, pompons, ribbon and foam shapes for all to use!


• Throwin’ Mud – It’s ok for the kids to play in the mud at this activity station with Masta Potta, Mr. Kirby!


• Canvas Classics – Be an artist by painting your very own canvas painting.


• Bag Full of Color – Kids can “go green” while using their imaginations to paint canvas backpacks, which are handy for toting around their Cottonwood ArtStop masterpieces!


• Petite Pottery – Just in time for Mother’s or Father’s day! Kids can paint their own petite pottery, the perfect gift for mom and dad.


• The Big Picture – Kids can leave their mark on Cottonwood Art Festival by painting a piece on the Monster Mural!

Other ArtStop activities include Chalk Board Easels (for young children), Chisel Away (kids chisel on a large block of plaster) and Magnetic pieces (make a picture by adding magnets to large magnetic
boards).

ArtStop at Cottonwood Art Festival 2011

All the important facts about the festival:
Now in its 44th year, the Cottonwood Art Festival is the premier fine arts event in North Texas.
The twice-a-year event generates more than $2 million in art sales annually. The festival has
extended its hours and is set for 10 AM – 8 PM Saturday and 10 AM – 6 PM Sunday, May 5-6, 2012, at Cottonwood Park, 1321 W. Beltline Rd., in Richardson, TX 75080. Admission and parking are free. Full details are available at www.cottonwoodartfestival.com or 972-744-4581.
I hope to see you there!
NOTE: This post was sponsored by the Cottonwood Art Festival to help get the word out about this fun, local event!

Bentos: Daddy-made & Valentine's

Last week I was feeling sick, so Christian volunteered to make Little Sir's bento for Mother's Day Out. He did a great job (better than I do sometimes!):



To see all the details in the notes, be sure to click on the picture and you can hover over each item. The roll is a roll of sticky rice (Little Sir LOVES sticky rice!) wrapped in nori (LOVES nori!). Sort of like a sushi roll without the sushi! You can't see very well, but under the star shaped cheese is a fruit strip with a heart cutout, and under the fruit strip is pineapple chunks. He also gets a cookie with Daddy. Mommy never includes cookies!

I made the bento again this week, and tried to incorporate a Valentine's theme since they'll be having their Valentine's party today. It doesn't have as much food as usual since their party will include lots of food.



It includes raisins, mangoes, heart-shaped cornbread, pickles, and freeze-dried peas. For some reason, both kids are currently obsessed with freeze-dried peas! Too bad they are so expensive. But I'm glad they're eating peas nevertheless!

Review of Food On The Table

I'll be writing more later this week about my transition from Work-At-Home-Mom to Stay-At-Home-Mom after losing my part-time job, but suffice it to say that for some reason this change has thrown me off a bit. You'd think that having more time when the kids are napping or playing would mean that I get more blogging done, but the reverse has been true!

I feel like I'm really not organized when it comes to planning the household chores. OK, I don't plan at all, really. One thing I've been the most terrible at since having my second child (uh, 11 months ago) is meal planning. I did a post on how I've done my meal planning in the past. You might have noticed it was fairly labor-intensive. I have enjoyed E-Mealz in many ways and I've got some really good recipes from that site. However, they seem to focus mainly on Mexican food, salads, and white sauces for vegetarians. I like Mexican food as much as the next person, but vegetarians DO eat things other than Mexican, E-Mealz! And no one in my house will eat white sauce or salad of any kind except me. It also seemed that most of their recipes were actually meat recipes with fake-meat substitutes thrown in. Have you ever tasted fake meat products? They are disgusting. So we had to avoid most of those recipes too. Ultimately, I could only use about 1-2 recipes from each 5-day meal plan.

Through the new ad network I've signed up with, I have just learned about Food on the Table, another meal-planning program that also has a corresponding iPhone app. I think this might be what I am missing! Having a dedicated app saves me several steps in my previous process in migrating the meal plan to my iPhone so I can take the shopping list to the store.



I tried Food on the Table this week and here are the pros and cons:

Pros:

• When they say it's a 60-second signup, they're not kidding!
• The limited version of the service is free (I was paying $5/month for E-Mealz). To get access to more recipes, you can pay to upgrade to Premium which is $5/month for the first 3 months and $9.95/month for the future. Less if you pay quarterly or for a whole year.
• Online or iPhone app interface is convenient
• When you select the stores you shop at, it automatically finds the sales and you can pick recipes based on the items on sale at the store you are going to!
• You can restrict recipes by prep time, by what kind of meat or Meatless 
• You can add additional non-menu items to the grocery list in the iPhone app. It even has a voice recognition option so you can add items without typing. When I spoke "organic milk" it not only added it correctly, and in the correct category on the list, but also suggested the item was on sale at the Tom Thumb I selected as my favorite store. OMG LOVE!!

Cons:

• Side items are chosen separately from the main dish so it's up to you to figure out how to pair things. This is actually just fine with me, because I rarely used the side item recommendations with E-Mealz. (side note: vegetarians don't eat coleslaw for side-dishes at every meal, E-Mealz)

Yet to see whether the recipes this system provides are any good taste-wise. I will be making two of them this week and I'll let you know! So far I am in love with it and I am seriously considering purchasing the Premium version.

NOTE: As an ad network affiliate, I get something like $1 if you actually buy the Premium version by clicking one of my links.

Our Christmas miracles

I have been trying all day to think of how to write this post that would express how thankful we are for the wonderful blessings that have been provided to us in the last 24 hours. I know that not all of my readers believe in God, but I have to say that for me, I see God in all of this. It's probably trendy to attribute blessings to God, especially at this time of year, but I have seen blessings like this all my life - enough to believe that it's not just random and that God is not just a great big Santa Claus in the sky. I don't know if He gives us trials so that we can trust Him, or so to show us that we are powerless and He is powerful. I feel like it's probably both.

If you read this blog much, you know we have been facing some tricky times with our unbreakable lease and dual rent/mortgage after buying our new home in November - so much that we cancelled gifts this Christmas. We were amazingly blessed by a Secret Santa who brought us wonderful gifts we can give to the children, for them to see Santa (which they did - pic to come soon, I need to scan it!), and a gift card toward our Christmas meal (got it today!).

In the last week, a potential renter has come along. We are very thankful that it is someone Christian knows, so the house would be helpful in reducing this person's commute and hopefully beneficial to both parties. The only catch is that, in order to make it affordable for this person, we would have to pay their rent for January plus an incentive equal to one more month. This person would move at the end of December (we've already paid December even though the house is empty), meaning that we'd get out of the lease after paying 2.5 months rent while someone else is living there. There is also an additional fee for breaking the lease. The total amount was very daunting for us, but just barely workable. We knew it was our only shot, because the other potential tenants have just not been working out in the last month. So we took a deep breath and prepared to let go of pretty much everything. We actually felt OK with this. My husband, for all his theological interest in unbelief, actually has an amazing faith. He encouraged me that we would be OK and I agreed.

As soon as we had decided to move forward with this arrangement, we received a very generous gift from some friends at our church. Which might seem weird, except that it's sort of something we believe in. There's a passage in Acts 2 of the Bible that explains how the early believers in Jesus came together and shared everything they had - people who had more gave to people who had less, and that way everyone had enough. You know, kind of like socialism! (that was a joke) When we were dual-income-no-kids, there were times that we gave similar gifts to our friends. It felt weird to be on the receiving end at first, but I remember being on the giving end and I know that we'll be there again one day. I can't wait!

Shortly after that miracle, another miracle came along in the form of a bonus for Christian's work that was much larger than we anticipated. We really do not count on bonuses or even expect them, so this was amazing. Especially in this economy. We are blessed that he works for a company who is doing very well at this time.

We are in awe of God's amazing goodness. I would like to thank each one of you for your prayers, and even all your help in spreading the word to rent our house. So many little encouragements along the way.

We definitely do not deserve all that has been given to us. But isn't that really the message of this season? We do not deserve the baby in the manager who was born just to die in our place. And yet... there He is.

Thank You.

Our Secret Santas

Last night I was washing up bottles and sippys downstairs while Christian was bathing Little Sir upstairs. Little Lady had a really drippy nose and hasn't felt well for a few days so she was already asleep. I guess it was around 8pm-ish when the doorbell rang! It startled me a little because it was so dark outside. When I went to the door, there was no one there but there was this big red box with a gold bow!

Imagine this is on our doorstep, I didn't take a picture until it was already inside

I looked up and down the street but didn't see any cars. It was pretty cold, though, so I didn't try too hard. I figured if they wanted me to catch them they wouldn't have left. Christian said, "What if it is full of bees?!". I can only assume he watches some kind of weird killer bee movies on TV after I go to bed at night.

I brought it inside and once Little Sir finished his bath, we let him help us open it. Inside the box was a note that said, "The Bradford Family: Have yourself a Merry little Christmas in your new home. PS Open the boxes now :) You may need what is inside when you do pictures with Santa. Love, Secret Santas". There was also a Sprouts gift card (a local supermarket that I really like, right near our house, it carries a lot of nice natural and organic stuff often cheaper than Whole Foods). There was even a little envelope with some extra cash that said, "For a picture with Santa? Or maybe just for baking cookies :) Your call.". I am DEFINITELY going to do one or both of those things.

Here is a list of the things inside the box: a Christmas dress for Little Lady, a Christmas shirt for Little Sir, a doll for Little Lady (I am so excited about this! I wish she had been awake! I should wait until Christmas to give it to her, though!!), a Melissa '&' Doug musical set, a Melissa '&' Doug pizza set, a set of crayons and coloring pad, and the rest of the greeting cards that the note was written on.

Since Little Sir was with us when we opened it, we did let him open up the pizza. However, he will most likely forget the crayons and coloring pad so I am going to wrap those up to put under the tree for Christmas. IF we are lucky and he forgot about the musical instruments, I am going to wrap those up too. He has a scary good memory sometimes, though! It's OK because I have some BlogHer swag left over that I was going to wrap up for him but I didn't have anything for Little Lady.

I feel like we are so blessed by our friends. Maybe I will find out who it was, or maybe not. I am almost sure it is someone we know from church. Which does not narrow things down at all since most of our good friends go to Watermark. Still, I believe this is a God thing. He knows what we need and what we want and He works through others. It is humbling to think that we would be recipients when there are so many other more needy families out there. But I also know that we have done similar things for our friends in the past and how much we loved to be able to do things for them. And we look forward to being able to do it again! It is a great big circle of giving and sharing and that is how it should be in a family.

So, to whoever you guys are: we love you, and thank you for loving us! We are so thankful and excited! I am loving the Sprouts gift card too, because it turns out I will be cooking Christmas dinner on Christmas Day so it will come in handy! Thank you!!
{See the YouTube video of us opening the box here - it's over 6 minutes long, so beware}

Merry Christmas, everyone!

We aren't doing Christmas

You might think that since we are Christian (I hate that word for some reason, it is way too generic and it encompasses a lot of people that I don't think follow the Christ of the Bible), we would be all about Christmas. And in a spiritual way, of course we are. We celebrate thankfully that God provided a very difficult and painful sacrifice on our behalf so that we don't have to try and earn our way into heaven (SO thankful, cause I've done a ton of things that I know disqualified me, especially in college...). That's kind of a thing we do in our hearts and that we'll talk to our kids about in more detail when they are old enough to understand. But we don't celebrate standard religious institutional traditions, in general.

Our plan was always to give them gifts at this time of year, just like nearly every other household in America. We also planned to give reasonable gifts to our friends and family. We knew we are a one-income house and were going to scale back this year more than in past years when we were dual income.

However, this inescapable lease has changed things.

Because we'll be paying both rent and a mortgage for the unforeseeable future, spending any money at all is no longer an option. We made the decision not to. Not to buy anything for anyone.

In many ways it's a good thing that our children are so young, because they don't expect anything. Little Sir does not remember last year as significant. Little Lady, of course, will only be 10 months old so she has no idea what is going on. Obviously, it's OK with them.

But I have to tell you, I have struggled with this. It's not that I wanted to go overboard and buy them a ton of things. I am the one that has to clean up the things, and since we haven't purchased any kind of toy storage yet, we don't really have room for more things! Right now I just stack toys in piles on the floor when I want to clean, or throw them into the beds. (the plan was to buy storage at Target or Ikea but that costs money too!)

I think it's more that I wanted to give them gifts. Little Lady especially, poor thing, has hardly any of her own toys. All the things she plays with are hand-me-downs from Little Sir. I was really looking forward to thinking of some good toys for her that could be her very own.

I am also grieving the loss of our ability to celebrate our anniversary (December 23) in some kind of special way. It's only our 6th year, but we pretty much skipped our 5 year anniversary last year because I was pregnant with Little Lady and couldn't take any vacation from work or it would impact my maternity leave. Even if we had wanted to go out for dinner one night, we didn't have any childcare for Little Sir. So we didn't celebrate at all. Before all this happened with the house, I was hoping that we could just have a "do-over" of our 5th anniversary this year.

Then two things happened:
1) one of the pastors at our church did a message on Thanks-living this Sunday where he talked about how we should be so thankful for the spiritual gifts we have been given that we are literally willing to let go of everything we own.
2) I read this post about giving up Christmas presents and realized that we are not alone in our decision not to celebrate in a monetary way.

We are very blessed to have this beautiful new home, and we have a Christmas tree and clothing to wear and plenty of cloth diapers (so thankful for cloth diapers! we don't spend any money diapering!). We'll stop paying the rent before we stop buying food, so we aren't going to starve. We have each other, and we even have lots of fun music on iTunes and DVD's! Once I get unpacked, I think we can do some fun Christmas baking together. I was considering this cinnamon applesauce ornament recipe from Adele, which would also give us something to gift to the grandparents.

I sort of blame Twitter and Facebook for making me doubt our decision... if I wasn't seeing all the updates from my friends about Black Friday, online shopping, and what they're getting their kids and how excited their kids are about opening gifts, I might not be as tempted to compare. Hopefully, this kind of un-Christmas will give us a new perspective on people who are really and truly hurting and don't have a warm house, nice clothes, and plenty of food. If all we have to give up is some kind of doll or some kind of truck or a nice dinner out... I think we can handle that!

We quit our organic co-op

photo by marioanima on Flickr

 You might remember that we joined an organic CSA co-op about a year ago. However, I'm sad to report that after putting it on hold when Little Lady was born, we haven't rejoined.

I really enjoyed it while it lasted! Things I liked about it:

• Fresh, organic fruits & veggies picked and assembled for me automatically
• Supporting farmers directly rather than through large (and expensive) distribution channels
• Experiencing new and different foods, being forced to learn how to cook new things!
• Having fresh organic produce on hand for the kids

Things I didn't like:

• The amount of food was often more than we could eat before it went bad
• Sometimes the food wasn't fresh, so it's shelf life was shorter than usual
• I did have to drive out to the location and pick up the bin every other week, which took away one of my "free days" (days of the week with no scheduled activity) with the kids
• The bins were set out for pickup in the direct sunlight, which caused a lot of wilting in the summer months
• Some of the food in the share no one in our family would eat - like lettuce. I am the only person in our family who will eat lettuce, and I was never able to eat 2 giant bunches we always got before it went bad in 4-5 days. I could put it in the bin for others to use, but I was still paying for all the things no one in my family would eat.

Because of the waste factors described above, the co-op cost became prohibitive in relation to what was actually usable for us. Instead, I just make it a point to go to our local organic grocer and by plenty of fruits and vegetables that we will actually use. Since I'm

I'd love to start it back up again maybe when we have more disposable income, or if I could find a co-op that would let me specify what kinds of produce I did and did not want to pay for.

I also have high hopes for the possibility of building a garden in the back yard of our new house in the spring!

Anyone else have a co-op they love? I'd love to hear about it!

Antibiotics! Antibiotics for everyone!

I wanted to write something really great and provocative and insightful today, but no. What you have is an update about my family's sickness. Sorry about that!

I caved and went to CareNow first thing this morning since my cough is progressing and I can't afford to let it turn into full-blown sickness while I am caring for two kids all day. Fortunately, I don't have bronchitis like Christian - only an upper respiratory infection. The doctor gave me antibiotics too, but not the insane amount that she gave Christian, just regular pills. She wanted to give me steroid cough suppressants also, but I declined those. So far, the homemade cough syrup works just fine for me.

We also went ahead and took the kids into our pediatrician's Saturday clinic this morning just in case. Little Sir actually seems fine but has a cough that I was afraid might be contagious. Poor Little Lady sounds much worse, but since she's only 8.5 months old, they can't really give her anything. It's back to humidifier/nose saline/Nose Frida and the Kick-It Immune drops for them, I guess. She can't have the homemade cough syrup because it contains honey. I do love our pediatrician and her partner doctors, because they never over-prescribe antibiotics. They told us that we could fill a prescription if we wanted to for Little Sir, but they'd recommend just treating the symptoms and letting their immune systems battle it out for now, since it's not a full-blown infection yet.

Well, gotta go - the kids just got home from the doctor!

Everyone gets sick

I am so out of random ideas due to NaBloPoMo that I can't think of 7 things for 7 Quick Takes Friday this week.

What's new here: for the first time since I have known him - including while we were dating and the last 6 years that I have been married to him - my husband got sick. Seriously, I was starting to wonder if he was Unbreakable or something because I have never seen him truly sick in all that time. But when the whole family got the flu mist vaccine (except the baby, she got the shot), it took down his respiratory system and ultimately turned into bronchitis and sinusitis. They gave him what is called an "antibiotic bomb" which is a small jug of liquid that you chug, it's pure antibiotic. Then they gave him something that is actually stronger than a Z-pack of antibiotics in addition to that, and then some high-power cough suppressant. Even with all that, he still sounds slightly like death when he coughs. It was a really bad infection!

Now you might be saying, "but Jenny, you are all green and stuff - why so many harsh meds?". For one thing, I draw the line at the point where someone is going to die or be hospitalized. You totally do need medication before that happens. But if you think you can beat it with homeopathic treatments, I say try those!

We did try some neat natural remedies before it got to the horrible scary phase.
One is that I made my own cough syrup and it wasn't half bad.

Source: redandhoney.com via Jenny on Pinterest

He also tried taking tablespoons of apple cider vinegar. And, of course, humidifiers, vaporub, and herbal tea.

Now that he's been diagnosed and treated, my main concern is that the kids don't get it. Unfortunately, they've both got coughs now. They were sent home from Mother's Day Out an hour early yesterday because Little Sir has random red dots on his chest (?). They don't seem to itch or hurt and they haven't changed at all in 48 hours except to get lighter. So I was actually kind of annoyed about that because I think he is fine.

Here are some things I'm doing to help keep them healthy:

• I bought these Kick-It Immune herbal drops from Natural Grocer and am trying to get them to take it. Of course, the baby doesn't know enough to protest but the toddler... he spits that stuff right back out.
• I brew Kids Cold Care herbal tea and refrigerate it to put in the toddler's sippy. He thinks it's "juice".
• Everyone is sleeping with humidifiers.
• Everyone is sleeping with vaporub.
• Daddy wasn't allowed to hug or cuddle anybody much the first 24 hours until his antibiotics kicked in.
• We are making Daddy use hand sanitizer.

Are there any other things you'd suggest to help keep the kiddos healthy?

Low breastmilk supply: combo feeding my second baby

I've written several posts over the years about my experience with breastfeeding Little Sir and how we only made it to 6 months, then my anticipation of combo feeding Little Lady in an effort to breastfeed longer. She is 8 months old now, and I wanted to update everyone on the state of her feeding.

With Little Sir, I was sure that my work schedule of 10-12 hour shifts with all the pumping and the stress of being a working mom was what killed my supply. It seemed to me that if I was with Little Lady 24/7, surely my body would keep up with her like all the breastfeeding books and sites tell you that it should. I knew I might have to supplement, but I was sure it wouldn't be as much as I did with Little Sir.

During her whole life, I have probably pumped less than 20 times, total. She was exclusively breastfed up until around her 6th month of life. It was then that, once again, my supply plummeted for no apparent reason. I wasn't taking any medications or supplements, I was eating all the oatmeal I could and drinking tons of water. But suddenly, she started getting less and less from my breasts. She got frustrated and would squirm and cry. She was up every hour, all night long, wanting to nurse because she was still hungry and she wasn't getting enough during the day. It only took 1-2 days of this behavior before I went out and bought formula, because this time I recognized the signs. I gave her a few ounces of formula every day and it made a huge difference.

Slowly, over the last 2 months, my breasts have started returning to their pre-pregnancy size. We would always breastfeed first and then, if she was still hungry, add formula. However, eventually she spent the whole time just pulling and pulling at the breast and crying in frustration - nothing would come out. She would follow that by gulping down 4-6 ounces of formula. One time I pumped when she wouldn't nurse and I got less than 1 ounce from each side! For some reason, my body was giving up again.

About 10 days ago, I think we nursed for the last time. She was grumpy after not being able to nap due to tooth pain, so I took her to the couch and laid down next to her and she actually accepted the breast. I don't think she actually got anything, but it seemed to have made her happy because she fell asleep. It was the last time she ever did that. She is completely uninterested in nursing anymore. Even if she was, it would be difficult for her to do so with my milk completely gone.

I know I should be happy about having made it 2 more months than we did with Little Sir, and I am glad about that. But I am also a little bummed because I feel like my body just doesn't work the way all those books and web sites and lactivists say that it "should". I know from past experience that it wouldn't be able to keep up with exclusive breastfeeding, but I thought she'd be able to nurse at least a few times a day up until at least a year. I was completely not expecting the milk factory to shut down entirely without my permission!

At the same time, from a purely logical standpoint, I still do not believe that formula feeding is bad when breastfeeding is not possible. I am thankful that we have modern formula so that my baby didn't starve once my boobs decided to give up.

I believe in feeding babies, whether that be breastfeeding or formula feeding, or combo feeding.

A Little Bit Of Zen

A few weeks back I had a little epiphany when our pastor spoke at church about how present circumstances do not control our inner peace and joy. Whether you are Christian or not, that makes sense.

I've been trying to keep that in mind regarding the amount of sleep I do (or do not) get. Ultimately, whether I am rested or not, those circumstances don't control me.

I also think about people living every day with medical conditions that cause chronic fatigue, but living life to the fullest, regardless.

All of these thoughts are helping me let go of the desperate desire to sleep as much as possible and become frustrated and resentful of my children when I can't.

As a result, I've been making an effort every morning - with my husband's help with the baby - to grab a few minutes of time in the morning before the toddler wakes up to read a short devotional and do a little yoga sun salutation.

So far I've only been able to do this successfully about 4 times, but I really love it when I can. Here's hoping I can keep up my little moment of morning!