BlogHer 2012: Part 2 of recap

I'm officially BlogHer exhausted! Still sharing the love on Twitter and reading about people traveling home, seeing their kids, and unpacking swag. I got a moderate amount of swag but I was so busy this year that I actually didn't make it to the Expo hall until the last day about 2 hours before it closed. Many vendors were completely out of handouts by then. Which is fine because really, many of the vendors I wouldn't work with anyway (I am looking at you, LYSOL). The only one I was really sad to miss was SoDelicious, who makes my son's favorite coconut milk. I heard they had coupons, but I never found them in the Expo hall.

We are going to power through a review of the rest of BlogHer 2012 because you and I are both anxious to get back to our regularly scheduled blogging topics, right?

Despite all the parties and socializing this year, I did attend sessions! A few were not my personal choice because I was Mic Wrangling, but I still enjoyed them. The first of the day was Advocacy: Blogging Across Issues and Borders. I am not an advocacy blogger or a Latina but it was interesting to hear women who were so passionate. Takeaway: This panel was a good reminder not to give up on blogging when it gets difficult, but to surround ourselves with others who encourage us to keep going.



Of course, the big deal on Friday was Martha Stewart speaking at the lunch keynote. I am not going to lie, I stayed for about 5 minutes and then left. I really do respect Martha and all she's done - she's a powerhouse and soooo talented! But the lunch was so crowded and people were literally pushing each other out of chairs in the ballroom. I'm not a craft blogger, and I don't do Martha-type stuff, so when I got claustrophobic I just left. I ate lunch next to this adorable baby right outside the ballroom!



I was excited to see another Room Of Your Own about small blogs this year, since I am definitely considered a small blog by anyone who looks at size. Takeaway: In the Celebrate Your Small Blog session I was encouraged to keep doing what I'm doing and not be influenced to change my topic/convictions just to make more money or gain more followers. I was also reminded that I could probably work harder on ways to allow my followers to comment on the blog posts more easily from mobile devices.

Me, Carrie, and Alex from LateEnough (I was starstruck!)

After that session, I walked a few blocks and took a class at SLT NYC, a Megaformer Pilates class just like the ones I teach here in Plano. I love taking classes from other instructors because it gives me great ideas for new moves or moves I've forgotten. Of course, the class kicked my butt (in a good way)!



I arrived at the annual Voices Of The Year keynote all sweaty and wearing workout clothes, but it was a beautiful and inspirational experience, as always. A big shout-out to my fave Fearless Formula Feeder who did a great presentation of her manifesto about feminism and formula feeding. If you were part of the Twitter fiasco following this keynote but did not actually get a chance to hear the reading, I'd encourage you to read it for yourself before taking a stance. I saw several people on Twitter misquoting things that Suzanne read in her post. It's important to take this post in the context of its entirety.

After the keynote, it was up to my room to shower. I had several parties that night that I ultimately decided to skip so I could spend time with my friend Mica from MayBooks, who was in town for BlogHer as a vendor. We skipped the super crowded line for Hasbro and went to a cute Italian place with my roommate Jenn from Punky And The City.

All 3 of us spend dinner on our mobile devices ;-)

It was 10pm when I got back to the hotel but Sparklecorn was just getting started!! I might have had a lil more to drink that usual, and danced way too late into the night.

The dark, thumping dance blob that is Sparklecorn

Calley and her husband gettin' down on the dance floor!

Rock on, Calley, Chris, Julie, Amanda, Alex, Carrie, and Blessing!

I was up super early the next morning for absolutely no good reason. Oh well. I do have to say that the food at BlogHer was not as good as previous years, and there was a lot less of it. I had to actually purchase food, which I've really never had to do before.

First session in the morning (after opening keynote) was the one I was most excited about: Pro Tips: Branding and Blogging Professionally. I was stoked because my friends Jill and Gina were leading this panel!! It was a great panel, as expected - lots of laughs but lots of practical advice. Takeaway: Do not drink so much at Sparklecorn next time or you will forget what you learned in the panel your friends led.

Next I was back to Mic Wrangling for When It's Time To Spend Money To Market Your Work. I am not going to lie, by this time my energy was draining fast. It was a good session but about 3/4 of the way through I almost fell asleep. Takeaway: When is it time to start spending money to market your work? Probably not yet, for me. All the panelists assumed you make money at all - hahahahaha....I don't.

Although I dearly wanted to go up to my room and nap, I was also hungry so I went to lunch and the lunch keynote with Katie Couric. Surprisingly, this lunch was less packed than the Martha Stewart lunch. Huh? I thought Katie was amazing - very personable and her upcoming show sounds really interesting.

I met up briefly with Stephanie from City Moms Blog, who is the umbrella organization for Dallas Moms Blog (you know I write there too, right?). I would like to apologize to Stephanie for my zombie-like state. I was literally about to fall over. I barely crawled up to the 42nd floor where there were free massages being offered by RosaceaFacts.com. Then I oozed back down to the 26th floor and took a good long nap. Unfortunately, I was forced to get up so I could stop by the Expo Hall before it was time to Mic Wrangle the closing keynote. This is why I didn't get much sponsor swag - it was so late in the conference that many of them were packing up. Oh well, I still got Beth Terry to autograph my copy of Plastic Free: How I Kicked The Plastic Habit And How You Can Too, which I have already started reading and IT IS AMAZING.

The closing keynote revealed that next year, BlogHer 2013 will be in Chicago and it will be in July (2-27) instead of August. So excited!

For dinner, I got to eat at a local Asian fusion place with all the wonderful women I met and some who I just totally admire/stalk like Gina The Feminist Breeder and her husband.

The Feminist Breeder and Hyphenated Husband (!)

Powerhouse of feminist blogging: Think Feminist, The Feminist Breeder, and Danielle Elwood

When we got back to the hotel, I packed up for a super early exit (6am!) in the morning. I was so sad to leave my friends, old and new.

Saying "bye" to Calley for another year - our third BlogHer together!

Overall, this BlogHer was another new and great experience. I am exhausted more than I've ever been in past years, but I'm also seeing even more opportunities on the horizon.

If I met you at BlogHer and you have any great pictures or would like to say "hi", please do! I miss you all already!

Balance and margin

Back when I was single, before and during the going-through-therapy-and-recovery days, I had a real problem with over-commitment. It was really a function of me finding my security in what people thought of me because I never wanted to say "no". So I said "yes" even thought that meant double- and triple- and even quadruple-booking my days and nights. I was on the go all the time and I had a lot of breakdowns from overextending myself.

As I grew older and emotionally more healthy, I realized that I did not have to say "yes" to everything. I could create margin in my life and schedule down time. It's true that I lost touch with a lot of my friends from my single days when I got married, but it wasn't because I was so absorbed with my new life that I didn't care about them anymore. I made conscious choices to focus my energies on only a few things, and put my husband as the #1 priority. Having a "doing nothing" weekend was very important to him, so we didn't commit to too many scheduled things. I think this is about the time I started really living consciously, and I started this blog somewhere around then too.

This picture was taken right around the last
time I had a full night's sleep, in 2008

With the birth of my two small children, I once again went back to the "bare bones" of social and volunteer commitments. I hadn't realized how much I'd taken on over the years, but I cut it back to pretty much zero after Little Sir was born, and again with Little Lady. The first year of her life I wasn't working anymore, but I also never slept through the night, so dividing my attention in any way was pretty much out of the question.

I have my fingers crossed as I type this (it's difficult!), but I think I can say it now: both my kids have been sleeping through the night regularly for almost 2 months now. Wow. It's totally amazing. I am starting to find bandwidth in my day that was never there before. By the time my son started sleeping through the night, I had a newborn, so I have not experienced this feeling of sleep since the end of 2008.

With the sleep returns the feeling that I could be doing more. I should clean more, I should sew more, I can volunteer now, I need to start working out...on and on. In the end, it's actually sort of immobilized me. I just want to sit and do nothing because there are too many things I could be doing.

It's the long way of saying this is why I haven't been blogging lately. I actually have some great things to share with you, a few products that I LOVE which I think you will love, and a new career-type endeavor for me.

But while I approach these new things, I do it cautiously. I want to keep the margin of peacefulness I've been forced to cultivate over the last few years. I really do think it is a gift, even if I've mostly used it to sleep.

Do you have any tips for balancing? I'd love to hear your words of wisdom or encouragement!

Work History Meme Part 2: after college

Several of my friends have done a meme where they list their work history. I thought it was really interesting to read other peoples' histories and I want to participate too! Unfortunately, I have worked so many jobs over the years, often simultaneously, that it became insanely long. Therefore, this became a two-part post. Part 1 is here.

Part 2 - jobs after college


Olive Garden, waitress - when I graduated college, I was not able to find a job immediately. My job search was impeded, no doubt, by the fact that I was working two jobs for full time hours and going to school. Since I had been waitressing off and on for almost a full year at this point, I knew I could move to pretty much any city and work as a waitress until I figured out the next step. The closest big city was Dallas, so I moved there. The first place to hire me was Olive Garden. For those headed toward the server profession: do not work in a chain restaurant! They have all kinds of restrictions and requirements which sorely inhibit how much you can make. I'd recommend a local restaurant like the ones I worked in during college. This job taught me how to run into the bathroom or kitchen and take a professional business call. It also taught me two ways to successfully cheat on a drug test. Not to get this job the next job.

IT contractor - I was finally hired as a temporary contractor for some kind of big contracting company and placed at the faltering telecom Verizon in Irving, TX (right outside of Dallas). I got this job because of all my web site design and web master-type freelance work in college. Completely unrelated to my degree in Speech Communication, of course. I had the joy of driving 35+ minutes in horrible traffic to get to a giant, nearly-empty building before 8am every day where I sat in front of computers testing code. I actually enjoyed the work, but there wasn't always enough to keep me busy. Not a good problem to have when your job depends on how much they need you. I took on work for other people in the team in order to keep busy, and got trained in areas other than my job. So that was helpful. I met some very nice people. Every day at lunch they talked about when everyone was going to get laid off, which was really stressful after a while. 9/11 happened while was here. I watched it on the TV's in the giant, empty cafeteria early in the morning and then went back to my desk to watch it on the computers in my cubicle. Everyone had gone home, but I couldn't go because my boss had disappeared (he had family in NYC) and I was paid hourly. So I sat there alone watching the news online. It wasn't until 5 months later that we were all, indeed, laid off.

Web Content and Data Coordinator - if you live in the DFW area you might be familiar with a certain family of luxury-car dealerships: Mercedes, Porsche, Bentley, Astin-Martin, Lexus, and since I left they've also acquired either Audi or BMW, I can't remember. I had a great boss here who was a career mentor of mine for years. He was a really hilarious guy, very smart, knew a ton about cars and loved them. I handled all the online advertising which meant I bought and coordinated all the banner ads (banner ads were huge back then, remember?!) and Cars.com/AutoWeb/AutoTrader relationships. I also handled the design and management of their luxury automobile accessories stores. Each dealership had their own parts and accessories department and the guys in those departments were really proud of their stuff and fun to work with. I still have a Porsche-monogrammed bathrobe! That's the kind of thing they sold, items for your everyday life that had your luxury car logo on them. Because if you own a Porsche, you freaking want everyone to know it, even when you get out of the shower. Because I was part of the marketing department as well as the IT department (common placement for the web people at the time), the events coordinator for the dealership group (who was also the mother of one of my friends outside of work) would recruit me and another guy on our team to help assist at their fancy cocktail events. That meant just hanging around doing whatever she told us to and looking nice. It was fun but I remember standing for very long periods of time wearing heels - ouch. The bonus was that I did get to drive the cars. Several times I had a Porsche Boxster over the weekend and once a Mercedes SLK convertible. I just loved the convertibles and I still drool thinking about those cars. During that time I also knew a lot about cars but since it was work-based knowledge, as soon as I changed jobs I just completely forgot everything and I don't know much about cars anymore except that Lexus is a great reliable car and Mercedes always have electrical problems. It was a good job with a lot of fun perks but it didn't pay much since they hired me with very little experience.

Production Analyst (Email Marketing and junior Project Manager) - you might have noticed I am now leaving off the names of the companies. If you want to see them, find me on LinkedIn. This is now in the recent-enough past that I am going to start being generic because I am still in touch with a lot of these coworkers and I don't want anyone to think I am ungrateful or complaining. I have met a lot of really great people over the years. At this job I put together and tested weekly and biweekly email marketing campaigns for our clients. I also did some content management of their web sites. Here I had one or two of my most terrible bosses. For the 2.5 years I was there, I think I had about 6 bosses total. Management just kept changing our bosses and the organizational structure, and it was so confusing because everyone had their own political agenda within the company. I was also going through a lot of personal issues around this time which caused me to have a tenuous hold on my own sanity. My primary client was the company's cash cow so it was highly stressful, which seemed like a great time for me to stop smoking weed (not really! but it needed to be done). On the bright side, this is also where I met my husband. He was the developer working on the Really Big Client so I worked with him a lot for at least a year before he ever asked me out. By then I'd been in therapy for 6 months so I said yes. We also had mutual friends who assured me he was not another of the crazy bad-for-me men that I had been dating for the past few years. Anyway, that's personal and not work-related but it did kind of have to do with why I left the job. We were getting more serious and a few people had found out that we were dating. The Really Big Client was still driving me (literally) crazy too, so I decided to look for another job.

Email Marketing Specialist for Major Non-Profit - a co-worker who had just left the company I was working at had gone to work for this Major Non-Profit and called to see if I'd like to come over there too and help them with web QA stuff and email marketing. I went there originally as a consultant and got hired as an employee after around 7 months. Despite how stressful this job also was (email marketing is just stressful in general), I really liked the company itself and everyone who works there is just SO STOKED about working for the cause. Great cause, too. So I was glad to be there and I got a ton of email marketing experience because I was actually the only person who took care of all of the email marketing for this organization for about a year. Eventually we set up some standard operating procedures and hired more staff, which helped a ton. I really liked working here because everyone was so passionate. I definitely would have stayed longer but I was getting burned out on email marketing. When someone from the company I'd left 3 years earlier called to see if I wanted to come back again and do some really boring code work, I actually jumped at the chance to do something more mundane.

Data Producer aka SQL Programmer - by now, Christian and I had been married a few years and he had left the company so it was not a conflict of interest for me to go back. In addition, I was technically coming back to a different company owned by the same person - they shared the same office building and HR/payroll but are legally separate entities. Very confusing to anyone outside but it makes sense when you're there. I loved this job because I just went to work, wrote code, and left. I never felt stressed to work outside of work hours and I never had any heavy responsibilities. A few times my supervisors mentioned potential team lead opportunities and I was like AHAHAHAHA!! - NO. Everyone on the team worked remotely so I worked from home more and more and when I went into the office it was very casual. I worked here through my first pregnancy and afterward. When I got pregnant the second time, the environment at the office was changing - they bought a new office building that meant more of a commute for me, and they wanted everyone to come in more often. Our team was writing less code and spending more time administrating the software program that now wrote the code for us (not as fun). I had a son who didn't sleep and then had a new baby who also did not sleep, so my speed and accuracy writing code had taken a nosedive. We decided during my maternity leave that I would not go back, but would stay home with the kids. I was sad to leave this job. I hope if I get another job it is as mundane but technically challenging as this one was, because that was totally awesome. The working from home and not having to wear nice clothes helped too.

Here I am - I worked part time in social media for a friend's social media company for a while, but I couldn't keep up enough hours to make my time really worth it for her. Now I am just blogging and keeping house. What is next? I wish I knew!

Work History Meme Part 1: before and during college(s)

Several of my friends have done a meme where they list their work history. I thought it was really interesting to read other peoples' histories and I want to participate too! Unfortunately, I have worked so many jobs over the years, often simultaneously, that I had trouble remembering them all. I realized after typing for about 30 minutes that I still hadn't even gotten past college. So this will be a two-parter.

Part 1 - all the jobs I held before and during college(s)

1st job - probably babysitting. I took a Red Cross CPR course when I was 12 and started babysitting at around 13 for younger kids at our church. I did this up until shortly after started college in addition to whatever other jobs I held. I was obsessed with The Little Mermaid even though I was way too old for it, so if the kids went to bed I would watch that movie on VHS.

1st real withholding-paycheck job - Golden Corral in Kilgore, TX. I was just 16 so they wouldn't let me be a waitress (you have to be 18 I guess?). So I was Salad Bar Girl, which meant I restocked the salad bar and ran the cash register. The Golden Corral closed suddenly for no apparent reason. I was so unimportant that they actually forgot to call and tell me. The only way I knew was that someone at school mentioned it and I was like "What? I was supposed to be working tonight!".

Mazzio's Pizza - salad bar stocker and cashier again. They wouldn't let me near the pizza oven much. In retrospect, I kind of think that my extraordinary clumsiness was a factor in me not being allowed near dangerous things. My weirdest memory from this job is how one night we had an after-hours employee meeting and the manager had one of the shift leaders stand up and she described how this shift leader had dropped out of school to work at Mazzio's and we should all strive to be like her. My best friend and I were like, "WHAT?! Did she just tell us to drop out of high school to work at Mazzio's?!". Yes, yes she did. A week later that "star employee" had a huge fight with her boyfriend on the Mazzio's premises and quit under suspicious circumstances. Sure is a good thing she dropped out of high school for that. What a role model.

Law Office intern - over the summer after my senior year of high school and before college, I worked as  peon at a family law office. I did a lot of xeroxing and answering phones and taking messages. I got really bored sometimes and used the typewriter to write funny poetry.

Allstate Insurance in Kilgore - receptionist and sales. This was a real job in that I was the only employee other than the agent. I was 18 by then and I could take payments, print ID cards, and make policy changes. My boss was a chain-smoking good old guy who listened to conservative talk radio all day. Being forced to listen to Rush Limbaugh and Doctor Laura all day made me realize that I completely disagreed with everything they said. It was the first time I recognized that I was not politically conservative like everyone around me. I immediately hid that fact because, hello, I was living in East Texas. My boss would disappear for hours and leave me in charge, but he would bring me back Dairy Queen blizzards, which was super nice of him. I used the typewriter there while he was gone to write funny poetry about how people were stupid, and sometimes poetry about being bitter about living in East Texas. Still, the insurance agent was a very nice guy and when he died of lung cancer (all the chain smoking) a few years ago and my parents told me about it, I was really sad.

Music library at Kilgore College - At the same time as Allstate. This job consisted of me sitting in a room full of CD's and LP's up at the community college so that if one of the music majors came in and wanted to listen to music or check out something to take home, they could. I slept a lot and studied. Once a dead bird flew into the window* and its body decomposed on the ledge where maintenance couldn't reach it (or didn't try). Noting the decomposition of this bird was a major activity for me and one of my friends for quite a while.

Barista at local coffee shop - At the same time as Allstate and the music library. I have actually forgotten the name of the shop. It was run by a couple who also lived above it. All my friends and I hung out there and some of us also worked there. The lines were blurry. I don't think I was super great at making coffee but I was good at drinking it, and I loved hanging out there. They had live music on weekends.

Hastings Music - Also at the same time as Allstate, the music library, and being a barista. I was  going to school full time during all of this as well. Hastings lasted all of a week because I had a breakdown from too much working after they left me at a cash register for 8 hours straight without a bathroom break. It was the week before Christmas, sure, but I kept asking to leave and they kept putting me off. I had to go straight to my next job at the coffee shop. When I got to the coffee shop, my boss there was so mad at Hastings that he called and griped them out. Obviously, I had to quit after that. I didn't really mind. From this job at Hastings I learned just how many albums Linda Ronstadt actually made. It is unbelievable, really.

Allstate Insurance in Nacogdoches - Sales Representative. I actually did a lot of similar things at this office, only there was a lady who was above me but still reported to the insurance agent. So the office was 1 person larger. No chain smoking and no talk radio, thank goodness. I had to be more professional. This was during my weed-smoking and drinking years. I had to hold myself together for work and for college, which is probably why I didn't become a complete pot head at that time. I quit after 2 years but then there was a scandal with the other lady and the insurance agent called me back after she had been spontaneously fired, so I came back to work for them for a few months while they looked for a replacement. I really enjoyed working there, aside from the fact that I had to sell insurance. This job taught me 1) how to deal with insane people, 2) how to talk to someone without promising or committing to anything, and 3) that I hate Sales and should avoid all jobs that require sales or operate on commission.

Waitress at Casa Tomas, Huntsville TX - I lived in Huntsville for 3 months one summer with a crazy assortment of random people I had met in the past few years. The original plan was to get a summer internship in nearby Houston, but when that didn't work out I just fell back on waitressing. I actually made pretty good money, since this was the "nicest" restaurant in Huntsville. Huntsville, where they execute criminals in Texas. They killed someone accused of a hate crime while I was there, and most ordinary people in the town sort of go on lockdown in case of riots. Eventually they let me train to be a cocktail waitress in the bar part of the restaurant, which is where you make all the money. Also, they would give you shots sometimes.

Waitress at Casa Tomas, Nacogdoches TX - I went back to Nacogdoches for the school year, and there was a branch of Casa Tomas there too so I just transferred. The bar in Nacogdoches was smaller so I got to cocktail a whole lot more. Much better money, and they also let me have drinks a lot more frequently. I believe this is also where I learned how to swear in Spanish. The only words I know in Spanish are swear words. Which is actually very helpful in a restaurant environment.

SFA newspaper web master - At the same time as Casa Tomas in Nacogdoches. My job was go in to the school paper offices late at night the night before the paper was published and put all the content from the newspaper onto the web site. I was their first webmaster, they'd never been online before. I created a discussion forum on the web site as well, which immediately got controversial. The editor loved that. I really enjoyed hanging out with the journalists, they had the best sense of humor. I also got to work on a Mac computer for the first time ever.

~~~
That takes us through the college years. I left out the time my best friend and I cleaned houses, but who cares about that? Also, I was doing freelance web site design off and on for several years in Nacogdoches. But that's difficult to quantify.

Tune in tomorrow for more of my ridiculously complicated work history!


* at first this was a typo but I left it because this is actually how we referred to the bird. See note in the comments

Blue Volcano Media and BlogHer 2011

 Today I'm excited to have my first blog post up at my employer's blog, check it out at Blue Volcano Media - it's about Blogger Conferences and Your Business!

As I mentioned in the post, I'll be attending BlogHer 2011 on behalf of BVM, where I'll be taking notes at many of the sessions to write helpful blog posts on working with bloggers and social media for our clients and readers.

Blue Volcano is poised for tremendous growth in the next 12 months, and one of our focuses is helping our clients learn how to work with bloggers on PR campaigns. If you're a blogger and will be attending BlogHer next week, make sure I get your business card so that we can include you in any future opportunities!

During BlogHer, make sure you are following @_conscientious, of course, but also follow @VolcanoMedia for the B2B take on #BlogHer11!

Career change

It has been driving me crazy not to blog about this, but today I finally can! A few weeks/days before Little Lady's birth, Christian and I decided that I would quit my full time job after my maternity leave was over. Today I went in and told my bosses, which was sad because I really do like the people on our team and will miss them. The decision wasn't made lightly, because financially I still bring in more than childcare costs, even with 2 children. I think it was really more of a head decision for us.

I won't be leaving the workforce entirely, though. I have accepted a part-time position working for Blue Volcano Media handling some social media accounts, which is the kind of work I can do during naptimes, at night and on weekends, and from my iPhone. So far, it's been a ton of fun, and I'll be representing Blue Volcano Media at BlogHer 2011 in San Diego this year! Come meet up with me and say "hi"! We hope to have great PR opportunities for bloggers in the coming year, so make sure I get your contact info!

What scared me the most about this job transition was letting our wonderful nanny go. We are so thankful that she went straight to work for some friends of ours with no gap in employment or pay. That was definitely one of my biggest concerns. A close second, though, is the fact that I just let go of a TON of help!

Little Sir watching out he window
on his nanny's last day

Over the last year she has done so much with Little Sir, given him so much attention and really helped him to develop. Many times I have wondered to myself if I would have done as good of a job as she did - or if I can now. Now that Little Lady is here, I have to spend so much time nursing her and taking care of her that I wonder if I am leaving him to himself too much, not reading to him as much as I should, or letting him watch TV too frequently. Not to mention when he runs off and gets into things and I can't follow because I'm on the couch breastfeeding. Poor Little Lady has had to learn to latch while I'm walking around sometimes!

At the same time, it's been really nice so far to get to spend so much time with Little Sir, even though he is definitely getting to be a handful. He has such a personality now, and he says and does the funniest things. I really should be keeping up with those more on our family blog.

We are also continuing our slow-but-steady redesign of this blog, so thanks for the patience. I really think the end result will be worth it. My husband is doing a great job!

I have some good ideas for upcoming posts, including a list of my favorite postpartum products, so hang in there with me as I embark on this new journey!

Books: Women Leaving the Workplace, the Dual-Earner Marriage

My mother sent me the book "Women Leaving the Workplace" by Larry Burkett, as we are considering what to do about my working once Baby #2 is born. I found this book helpful from a financial standpoint as well as some practical points. You do have to realize before starting the book that, while the author does address some cases in which women "have" to work outside the home, he doesn't accept most of them as true necessities, and he is writing this book from the perspective that the reader is looking for a way to stay home full time.

I liked the chapters on bartering, budgeting, and mothering types. Unfortunately, although the personality type "conscientious" was addressed (which - surprise! - is what I am), it was never mentioned what the pros and cons of this type of mother would be in regard to working or not working, as the other personality types were discussed. He mentioned that some of the other types make good SAHM and some just do not enjoy staying at home with small kids. Which would I be? Since my personality type was not addressed, I have no idea.

One thing that does bother me regarding books about moms staying at home is that they assume the only option for the working mom is putting a child in a daycare center, where care is impersonal and sometimes questionable. This argument is presented as the basis for moms choosing to stay home - because the child needs full time one-on-one care, not group care. Since that is not our situation, and currently Little Sir does receive the full one-on-one attention of only one person all day long while I am working, I can't say that the difference in care he would receive from me would be much different than what he gets from the nanny. In some ways, he benefits more from the nanny because she is young and much more energetic than me.  Plus, when he stays up all night crying (as he did on Sunday night), she hasn't had to deal with it, so she comes to work and isn't already tired, as I would be!

Last weekend, Christian and I also attended a short seminar at our church "The Truth about the Working Parent" where the speakers provided some very good and practical tips on how to manage working and caring for older children. Unfortunately, babies were not discussed, and I had trouble trying to apply some of the things to children who can't walk or talk and aren't potty trained yet.

A second book my mother sent me on the topic of a working mom was "The Dual-Earner Marriage" by Jack O. Balswick and Judith K. Balswick. There were similarities between what this book said and what the speaker at our church had to say. The main point is: a working mother must be super organized and plan ahead constantly, because there is little leeway for things to go wrong. I have definitely found this to be true. It is true that I am a naturally very organized person who enjoys planning things out. It's nerdy, I know. But you can't just come home from work and not know what you are making for dinner when you have 30 minutes to put everything together before bath time and bed time for the baby. There is not time to run to the store and chop things up, etc. Eating at restaurants is expensive. The solution is meal planning and pre-preparation (I often cut up things for dinner or go grocery shopping over my lunch break).

However, I think the point that "The Dual-Earner Marriage" makes is that it is easy to neglect your marriage in the rush of working, childcare, and constant planning. I totally agree with that. I have definitely felt it. In fact, if I choose to stay at home after Baby #2, it will not be because I don't necessarily want to work. I don't mind working, and I don't mind leaving Little Sir and the new baby with our nanny. If I choose to stay home, the choice will be for my marriage. I feel like the constant balancing act and trying to keep ahead of the next scheduling snafu really sucks the energy out of me. Sometimes I can't get to the store on the right day and we do get take-out. At the end of the day, I have little left by way of relationship. But, I've heard the same complaints from stay-at-home moms. On weekends, when I do provide full-time care for Little Sir, it is also exhausting. So what is the difference?

Any thoughts from other stay-at-home or working moms?
I will most likely continue to explore these questions over the next months.

Books: Uglies series, The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner

I have made an effort to keep reading books over the last few months. For one thing, listening to audio books makes the days at work go faster. For another thing, it keeps me sane and somewhat connected to the adult world.

In order to stay connected to the adult world, what have I been reading? Teen fiction, of course.
Well, the reality is that it is really tough and competitive to find the audio books of popular NY Times best sellers, or books on the Oprah Book Club list at the library. For one of these books I am currently #34 in a line of 94 people in line for the book, and I have been on the wait list for something like 3 months at this time.

So I resorted to reading teen fiction. Which was a mistake.

First, I read The Uglies Series by Scott Westerfield. It had a good sci-fi sounding premise which could have lead to an awesome trilogy, but somehow... it never did. What happened was that, in spite of an interesting plot, the main character spent all her time mooning over her relationship with boys and her inner turmoil about whether to become what other people wanted her to be and WHAT THAT MEANT. I made it through 3 books of this babbling nonsense before I gave up. I tried reading the "Extra" book, which is the fourth book, but I wanted to poke my eyes out after 2 chapters so I gave up.

Next I read The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner by Stephenie Meyer. This is a spin-off of the Twilight series. It was a good read in many ways, because it was Stephenie Meyer. And at least I was familiar with the world it was set in. It made one afternoon at work pass quickly. But it was, indeed, short. Too bad. Also, if you have seen Eclipse, you know how it's going to end for the main character, which is kind of a bummer.

 I have repented of my reading-crappy-books phase and am back to books that have at least a slim chance of not sucking. I have successfully procurred from the library: The Opposite of Fate by Amy Tan, The Help by Kathryn Stockett, The Weight of Silence by Heather Gudenkauf, and Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood.

Those are the audio books. In "real" physical books, I am also attempting to read The Dual Earner Marriage by Jack and Judith Balswick, as well as Women Leaving the Workplace by Larry Burkett. I have The Myth of the Perfect Mother by Carla Barnhill as well, but have not started it yet. Obviously, we are trying to make some decisions over here, and I am hoping these books might help.

There you have it. Growin' my brain and whatnot. Feel free to leave suggestions or join me on Goodreads!

I realize I need to blog more

I have 100 excuses: we went on vacation for a week, we got back and moved houses 3 days later, I have an 8 month old child who is crawling so I can't get on the computer during the total of 4 hours a day I actually get to see him because, oh yes, I also work full time and now I am working days.

In addition, the management at my work has been less and less enthusiastic about my performance since having the baby. Nevermind that I was working the night shift for 6 months. I am pretty much the black sheep over there right now (go ahead, Dooce me...). So, in an effort to do a better job, I have been avoiding doing anything not work-related on the computer during work hours. It hasn't really helped but that is another story.

There are exciting things coming up!

For one thing, BlogHer 2010 in NYC is, like, 2 weeks away! WHAT?!
I know, I can't believe it!

This will be our first trip without Little Sir! Both sets of grandparents are coming into town to take turns caring for him. I am sure he will be having tons of fun, but I will also miss him a lot.

I am volunteering at BlogHer as the Volunteer Wrangler, which has been a lot harder than I thought but shouldn't be too much trouble once we are actually there.

Is anyone else attending BlogHer?

Confusion: working/staying home

There are always a lot of great discussions on BlogHer about stay-at-home moms versus working moms, those that have a choice and those that don't...today Miss Elaine linked to a great post by a blogger named Erin, with whom I was not familiar, about this choice and her exasperation with the attitudes she has encountered.
Here is the post.

I know I am not really qualified to chime in, since I haven't gone back to work yet. But I will be going back in a few weeks and I do feel the pain of both sides. I'm currently trying to figure out a work schedule and a child care schedule that will work for our family. Both Christian and I were blessed to have moms that stayed at home with us when we were small and went back to work when we got older. I wish I could say I have that option, but we simply don't. Maybe by the time Little Sir is 2 years old that will change, but for the next 2 years I will just need to work and find a balance.

It's a tough topic, and I appreciate Erin addressing the frustrations!

Too close for comfort

We just returned today from a 4 day weekend in Arkansas visiting Christian's family and telling them the news. There was also a big party/family event going on at the same time so we got to see a lot of people. I want to talk more about it but I need to have Christian upload some pictures to Flickr first, so I will save that for another day.

When we got back last night I went online to check work email and found out that my company had a RIF (reduction in force) on Friday while I was gone! I do realize that in this economy, that should not be a surprise. However, we are a very small privately owned company and up until now, we'd been told we were doing fine and there would be no need for lay-offs. We had 305 employees and they let 35 go, which is something like 15%, right? 2 people from my actual working group are gone now.

I'm not exactly new to this whole RIF thing, I graduated college in 2001 with nothing but Technology experience, right into the dotcom crash. I worked as an IT contractor (consultant) at a major telecom company (one of the top 2 out there - still operating). Since I was a contractor and not an employee, I didn't have benefits and the taxes I paid were extremely high. As I contractor, I knew that when they decided to let all the contractors go, they had no obligation to me - here today and gone tomorrow. You don't get a package or severance because contractors aren't company employees. However, I ate lunch with and hung out with the employees of the company at the time, who also knew they might be laid off any day. Every single day at lunch the conversation revolved around whether this would be the week that everyone would be laid off, who had heard what rumors, etc. This happened every day for at least 6 months. I had to stop eating with them! The speculation was so nerve-wracking. Finally, on the day I found out that I would not be coming back to work the next Monday, the entire department was laid off all on the same day. It was sad, but in the end, due to how long I had been hearing about it, it was kind of a relief to finally know for sure.

It's a little different here since we're so small and we hadn't heard anything about it until it happened. And weird for me since I wasn't even there when it happened. Today was our annual Employee Update meeting where they go on and on about our sales performance and profits, etc. The entire 4 hour meeting they only mentioned the RIF once, in passing. It was just very odd.

The dangers of business casual

If you follow me on Twitter or are my Facebook friend, you know that I hate business casual. Over the summer at my work, we could wear jeans every day. Then when Labor Day rolled around, it was back to business casual. WHY? I am hating it. Why is it OK to wear jeans 3 months and not the rest of the time? I am a programmer so I never, ever see clients. I just sit here and write code all day. Half the time I work from home. Why do I have to change clothing for the 4 hours of the day I am in the office, only to change again for the other 4 hours I am working from home?

Not only is this annoying, it is dangerous and let me tell you why. For women, business casual involves different shoes. I have discovered 2 ways in which these shoes can cause me personal bodily injury.

Flats - Despite how fashionable flats are nowadays, I have come to terms with the fact that I am too clumsy to wear them. We have long shiny tile hallways into the building with slippery floors. At least once a day, one of my shoes flies off my foot in mid-stride and I have to go chase it and put it back on. Either that or, for some reason, I lose traction and slide on the floors. This only happens when I wear flats.

Wedges or heels - I actually have fallen in love with wedges because they are heels with less chance of me falling off of them. But let me tell you what is not safe. What is not safe is when I am going down 4 flights of stairs in wedges and some dude behind me is trying to run down the stairs. It's dangerous enough trying to go down stairs in wedges at all, but trying to run downhill, as it were...that is a straight up ticket to the hospital! This has happened to me several times in the last week. What is the deal with needing to run down the stairs at 9 AM? I haven't even had my coffee, and you are making me run. What can be so important that you need to get into the building right now??

My suggested solution to these dangers is that I should be able to wear jeans and flip flops all the time. At least jeans so that when I fall down stairs or slip on floors, I will have a more flexible and comfortable landing.

How is the job going?

A question I will be getting a lot and have been getting.
It's always so hard to say in the first weeks or even months of a new job. Mostly because it's hard to know what it is that you don't know for quite some time. I'm no stranger to changing jobs, so at this point in a new venture I typically just do a lot of praying and asking for help and listening so that I can feel out the environment. I think it takes about 6 months to know if you like a new job. In the case of my last job, it took about a year.

But I can say that the nature of the work here is very different from what I was doing at the AHA and I really like that. I think the uniformity of the work that comes down the pipeline is awesome.

I do not miss the marketing and consulting I have had in my previous job descriptions. Man, I hated trying to explain things to people who are ignorant and/or indifferent and then try to convince them not to abuse the technology once they grasp the vague concept. That was really wearing me down. Especially because it never worked.

I've been blogging...but only in my head

Does anyone else do this: I write blog posts in my head that I never get a chance to post. It just seems like things go really fast in life and I don't get to stop and record it much lately.

Right now we're in the middle of the last scientific conference I'll have to work for the Association before my last day on Wednesday. It's one of the 2 times a year I have to work in evenings at this job. So I'm sitting in the coffee shop of the worship center of our church using the free Wi-Fi, hoping that the email will be approved to send before my Celebrate Recovery small group starts at 7:20. I hope that I get to make it into group tonight, but at the moment it's not looking promising.

It's weird to be at work while everyone is in Orlando at this conference, knowing I'll be gone when they get back. I really will miss a lot of the people, and it's been a great environment to work in, other than the fact that I've had to spam people for a living.

I am taking Thursday and Friday off and then starting the new job next Wednesday. Christian has taken the same days off work to use up his time off that he'd otherwise lose at the end of the year. During the week off, we are going to East Texas to babysit my niece on Thursday. Friday we are going to spend an entire day (9 hours) watching all 3 of the Lord Of The Rings movies back-to-back. Sunday and Monday we are going camping at Enchanted Rock. Somewhere in there, I need to learn SQL for my new job!

The News

Today I gave my 2 week notice at the AHA & will be starting a new job as a Data Producer at a company owned by the company I worked for before!! If you know where I worked before, you know what company this is. I will NOT BE DOING EMAIL MARKETING ANYMORE! I will be writing SQL queries and other data stuff. I am very excited not to be spamming people for a living, but sad to leave the AHA.

I am also excited to take exactly 1 week off between jobs. Christian has taken the days off too - we might go camping or just hang out. Maybe go see my niece!!

I feel attacked

Since we've gotten back, it hasn't been a great re-entry, to say the least.

• The first day back at work, I was so unhappy and dreading it so much that I was nauseous all night the night before, and then had a splitting headache all day.
• There was some drama, which I'd rather not blog about, but suffice it to say, the result is several thousand dollars gone.
• Our air conditioner leaked all over the hallway yesterday.
• I am so behind at work that I am going to be working at home tonight for 2-3 hours.
• I have been massively angry about the drama for about 24 hours now. So angry that I start shaking. This is a negative thing to feel and it is unpleasant.
• At work today, we found a serious error that has one of my customers very, very upset. It was not my fault, but unfortunately, it is my problem.
  

I had this epiphany while on vacation that I really want to work somewhere that I can serve the end customer directly. Right now what I do is try to serve people well, who turn around and use the services I provide them to treat other people badly and disrespect them. My dream job would be something like a coffee shop were I could do the books or work out front. But the aforementioned unforeseen thousands of dollars we've now lost will definitely keep me from being able to take a lower-paying job, especially if we ever want to move out of this apartment.

Which reminds me:

Cigarette Count: Number of cigarettes my upstairs neighbors threw into my back yard today, which I had to pick up and throw away: 2

"Not Your Miss America's Finalist Questions"

Here are some questions from InterstellarLass, I think this is called a meme but let me know if I am wrong about that...

1) What is the funniest thing that happened at your wedding and/or receptions?
It's not really funny, but it turns out that half the invitations to the Dallas reception were never delivered by the US Postal Service. Some were returned to me months later with the entirely correct addresses and postage intact, no explanation, and others simply never arrived at their destination. We have felt bad about it ever since, because our wedding announcements to the people we invited to the receptions specifically mentioned the reception date but the invitation to the reception itself were supposed to follow. However, when those people never got a reception invite, we were afraid they might have felt shunned. It's really more annoying than funny...

2) If you only had one vacation to take during your entire life, where is the one place you would go?
First of all, Christian would come with me. I just want to clarify that. :-) I would definitely go somewhere with a beach and then I would refuse to come home, ever.

3) Do you have a family heirloom (besides your ring-stone) that is special to you? What is the history of the item?
I don't think I've got any heirlooms, or if I do, they must not have come to me yet. Which is probably a good idea since I break things a lot. I have hidden a few things from myself in a cedar chest at my house for this reason. Most of my family is descended from Mennonites, who believed that material possessions were vanity. My great-grandmother did not even have a wedding ring when she got married, just a watch (or so I'm told). The ring-stone is probably the closest I get - the stone in my engagement ring is the stone from my mother's engagement ring in 1974 which she and my father gave to Christian and I so that we could be engaged and married. I would pretty much die if anything happened to it. Sometimes I actually pray to God to protect me from losing it. I hope that isn't materialistic, but seriously, if I do something retarded like lose it, I am going to have a really big problem forgiving myself.

4) Do you collect anything? What is it and how did you start collecting them?
In the past I have collected Mary Engelbreit items, although right now our apartment is so small and decorated so modern that I haven't yet found a place to display it so it is boxed up in the closet. When I was sad about my first boyfriend breaking up with me, my mom got me a Mary Engelbreit book "Don't Look Back" about there always being another day, and wrote scriptures in it. I think she got me a few more over the years, and other people got me little ME-themed stuff. I like how she puts quotes in cartoons and I think the colors are very cheery!

5) If you could have any job and not have to worry about how much money you made, what would you do?
I think that I would like to be a personal assistant or clean houses. This sounds menial but I really like to clean and organize things. I do have a problem with setting boundaries, though, and I have heard that those jobs can be difficult to set boundaries in. I would also not mind working at a coffee shop again like I did in college. But just part time. It hurts to stand that long!

Here are the directions…

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (my comment: I will most likely be stealing the questions from somewhere else because I am not that original)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Happy Interview-ee-ing!!

I think I give up

I really wanted to do a professional-level blog about my work and my search for work, and email marketing in general, but I find I care less and less about it. I really just want to go home at the end of the day and pretty much live for weekends. I love the company I work for, but we are doing everything wrong and there is pretty much no way for me to help them out - too many politics and I just don't care enough to fight the uphill battle. There would be no energy left at the end of the day for my marriage and my friends. So I'll just be going to work, doing my job, and going home. Best Practices are great, but where I am, they are just not practical.